The only people I prefer not to be around are those who are only around you for what you can do for them.
If it is not some women for how much you can spend or how much they can use you to be their emotional sponge, or family who at every turn reminds you of how less in their eyes you are because you are different but still is always wanting something from you, or male associates who either want to borrow something, get a hookup, or use you as an alibi or to bail them out of trouble.
Not that one minds helping people in their time of need, but for once it would be nice to have someone who wants to hang out just because they enjoy being around. And not only just call or want to be around when they need something.
Being a loner I really prefer being alone but seems like they pressure you to let them in your life and then all they want to do is take and take. And stupidly because it is really hard to let go of the brainwash of socializing that was beaten into me growing up, idiot man here keeps giving it a chance. Which is rendered even more ridiculous because I am leaving on or before January 2013…probably before.
Sucks to be stupid and dimwitted sometimes. Especially when one knows better and logic dictates otherwise.
3 comments
Agatha Christie reference? But I know how you feel. I give everything of myself and when I need someone, I am still alone.
Seems like lots of people just like to kill time and hang out… maybe a hobby club or a bar where people are focused on something besides you and don’t know you?
Emotional sponge? Do you tell them you need a break? Do you ask to be heard yourself?
Sometimes others’ needs remind us of our own and if we have given up having them met, even partially, then the needs of others are especially annoying.
Personally, I just want reciprocation and some compassion…I relate to what emptiness7 said.
‘everything’ is too much for us and for them…yet they often just keep taking before I know everything is gone…tacitly is the worst cause there is no responsibility taking when folks don’t ask for what they want and what they take. got to find a balance. Haven’t yet.
Got to learn to give to ourselves is what lots of people say but just heard Gloria Stienhem (probably misspelling that) who I never have paid attention to much before, say “you cannot love your self until someone else has loved you” or something to that effect and damn it how true. I have thought it before but I felt good hearing a public figure say so out loud. Love starts from example and gets internalized like an organ transplant that becomes seemlessly our own but for those of us with abusive unloving families it is like being born without a vital organ.
Right on the money Emptiness. One of my favorite short tales.
As MyTooSense said though reciprocation would be nice even if constant company is not required.
@MyTooSense
Not one for public places much. That phased out after college. Great suggestion though.
And yes, but when I do it is like the conversation ends.
The family gave a lot of love and attention. The abuses came from outside…well other sources.
The family also were like prison wardens and it was their way or the highway. No encouragement to think for oneself. Just to obey the christian authority and the law authority at all times. Not a word of appreciation when I did well academically and athletically…. yet they would brag about other kids in the family doing well.
And the hidden drug addiction that gave me some really super life long health issues from the womb in addition to my own previous attempts causing more damage.
As well as forcing me to be social which led to the abuses which they never believed happened. As well as into my first foray into dating which I would have rather stayed in the house with my books, art stuff, and experiments.
And more betrayal growing up by so many.
And since then … well I have just been coasting along until I got over the fear again to go.