I wish i had the courage to die, i wish i werent such a wimp and would just do the deed. I honestly can’t find a reason to live anymore. Any help i get is just a waste, any ‘hope’ story is just depressing. Everything is depressing. I just can’t take it. I can’t be honest with my therapist because she has proven how fast she’ll go and tell my dad. My dad is getting tired of taking me to therapy, i can tell he wants it to end but he doesnt get how bady i still need to go. my friends dont know the true me, and never will. my therapist is now trying to get me to try antidepressants, probably has some sort of ‘reward’ for every person she can get prescribed to them. and my mom, she seems depressed too but she’s unaware of how i feel. I’ve been told too many times now that life is worth living when they haven’t lived my life. They all think i’m dumb and my reasons for being depressed is dumb. I wish for ONE day they could be me and they’d understand, no matter how minor things are i was so young and clueless when those things happened that i couldn’t handle them properly and now 4 years later im sill not healed. I want my suicide to look like an accident (if that’s possible) so my parents will get money from thier insurance. atleast i’ll know that their life wont be in misery too much. (i’d hope they’d use some of it towards a burial for me) whatever, if only i could just do it. i’m prepared, i have everything written out, access to my method of choice, i just wish i had the courage to do it. to end my suffering, and everone else’s.
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6 comments
it seems you want to die but aren’t 100% ready to
do you believe it’s solely fear of death/the unknown that’s holding you back ?
if you met someone who you felt could empathize with you, someone who’d have you feel better about yourself .. would that change something ?
I think it probably is the unknown. I’ve attempted so I don’t think I’m afraid of death itself, just the afterwards. And about the empathizing I don’t know. I’d just feel bad sharing things with people. Kind of like I just don’t like bothering people with my problems.
If this was Facebook, I’d “like” this post. L.I.F.E = Let It Fucking End. Nice one.
StayStrong – Were you able to find any method for making it look like an accident?
sorry, havent been on in a while : / and making it look like an accident is nearly impossible, unless of coure you get hit by a car. you could acidentally walk off a building but even then it would be assumed suicide. i think the best way is to set up some type of food, like cheese or crap like that and have a sharp knife. chop a few pieces and then ‘accidentally’ drop the knife. but instead of dropping it stab yourself in the leg where the main aretery is (i’ve been trying to find location) on a slant that appears to have been unfortunately stabbed into your thigh. i know it sounds dumb, but thats the closest you can get :/
i noticed you were concerned about it looking like an accident so your parents insurance would pay off. if you mean life insurance, most, if not all, states have a time limit on the suicide exclusion. a year is typical. anyway funerals really aren’t the biggest expense in life and a funeral just might be cheaper than your ongoing expenses.