please help me leave this world please

Hello my name is bradley and i am 28 yrs old—heres a little back story—i had a rough upbringing my mother is a lieing evil womam—who put me 30000 dollers in debt before i was 18 not saying it was all her fault i just trusted her to do whats right. well when i was 25 i was diagnosed with m.s and in a very short period of time —i lost my well paying job as a millwright my fiance of 4 yrs went straight into another mans arms 4 mnths preg with our son who she will not let me see—-my entire familly turned there back on me–my real father is all i have left —i can barely walk and am in alot of pain all of the time—pills dont provide much relief –3 yrs and im nothing more than a shell of who i once was—i know it sounds wierd but sometimes i wish i would have had cancer—at least that way u get better or die . with me its a life sentance with no crime or escape . first you watch urself die while u are still alive then u sit in limbo wishing and praying for relief or release.. i have looked into helium to release me —but i have no one to help with the supplies as i cannot move very well or get out on my own—and since my credit is screwed i cant really order offline if anyone can help maybe even recomend something—i just dont want whoever is to find me to have there life ruined from the aftermnath –please some one help