ive been thinking alot lately. We all know where that leads us. But I think I really should be dead. No one cares for me in my life, no one even cares on this website. I should’ve died. How nooses n pills n razors n 30 amps of electricity didn’t kill me I don’t know. But I’m positive this 12gauge will. So to all of you who won’t be missing me, adieu. I’ll see you all in oblivion.
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I care… and you would be missed. Just think about it. If there are events happening, perhaps they could be addressed given some time and effort. I hope you find peace… and I’m here if you want to talk.
what about your girlfriend? you said you didnt want her to be the girl whose boyfriend killed himself. come on man, be a survivor.
16 n ive tried to kill myself 3 times. I can’t wear short sleeves anymore. My veins r hard as rocks. I’d fail any drug test in the world. I’m failing out of highschool. My brother won’t talk to me. He n everyone else thinks I’m a freak for going to a mental hospital. I have zero freedom. I just want to load this birdshot and pull the trigger
Pulling the trigger isn’t the solution. A lot is going on at the moment… and it’s some pretty stressful stuff. You listed much of it… and all of it has a solution. Drugs, grades, and inter-personal relationships can all be worked on. Getting help at the hospital was the right thing to do. At 16, I didn’t have a lot of freedom either… In a few years, you’ll have quite a bit more freedom. Now is the time to prepare for that freedom. You seem to have an understanding of the challenges. That’s important. The next step is to work on resolving them…. not all at once… but one at a time. If you work on them now, you’ll be prepared in a few years when you have more freedom… and you’ll make the right decisions. Don’t give up.
Even Lionel Messi the worlds greatest player has taken the time to comment on your post.
No one even knows were together. I’m invisible to the rest of the world n she could get over it. She knew I was suicidal in the first place. But she said shed rather hang out with my ex than with me. Just proves how worthless my life is to people. My dad, my mom, my ex, my “friends n gf”. I mean jack shit to them. No one even bothered to ask where I was when I was in the hospital. It’s not gonna be any different if I died tonight n didn’t show at school tomorrow.
It’s is not the person they see but the superficial stuff. No one ever sees the person. The problem with death is that you don’t get to have the final word. The feeling you get from proving to the world that it really is full of self absorbed unintelligible jerks who are insignificant even by their own standards. You just end up being a memory in the minds of opinionated people but altered to a perception of their choice and made up stories of why you killed yourself. Every possible explanation so as they don’t feel guilty. Even in death they do not care.
“I mean jack shit to them” don’t you mean anything to yourself? screw them, don’t you want to live for you? isn’t there anything you look forward to–could be anything..spring break, turning 18, 2014 world cup (:
You’re definitely not worthless… and it would make quite a difference if you didn’t show up at school. Although I realize that a lot of value is placed in the thoughts of others, so much of your worth amounts to how you see yourself. If there are things in your life that you don’t like, you have the power to change them. If others don’t accept those changes or don’t like who you are, it’s not your problem… It’s their loss for not accepting you. The best you can do in life is to try your hardest, adjust your course when needed, and keep moving forward. Moving forward will take a lot of determination. You can do it.
I mean nothing to myself. My arm is tattooed in scars with everything I think about myself. It reads “ugly, hopeless, ungrateful, stupid, fat, hated, screw up, drain, and useless.” I don’t care if i die. I jump off buildings daily (parkour). I have no regard for myself. No one in my life does either. My parents r retarded. They can’t even see the scars, even when they’re still bleeding. N they really should’ve hid this shotgun better
You’ve listed some of the negative stuff.. and I’ll be the first to admit that lists of insults and put-downs can be hard to work with. How about the list of things you’ve done and accomplished? How about the list of things you still want to do? I’m sure you have goals. What are they? What do you need to accomplish them?
The positives are nothing. By the time I turn 18 my arthritis will have destroyed my hands, crushing my dreams of music. I blow at everything else. Math science social studies you name it I suck at it. My life was music n I can barely even play it anymore. Theres nothing for me to look forward to except more pain more misery more disappointment and finally death
please don’t give up! you say no one cares but we are all here for you right now,and we DO care. please,i’m always so scared when i talk to someone on this site and they say they are going to go through with suicide,it makes me so upset,and I don’t even know you. I know we all found this site because we’re struggling,but there are really nice people here that will help you in any way they can. the teenage years suck,no doubt about it. i’m 19,i know what i’m talking about,it’s all fresh in my memory. when i was 16 I had just moved out of my dad’s camping trailer with no heat and running water and was living with a roommate who grew pot in the basement and an old man he new who was an alcoholic. it was a nightmare. but i made it through,and things are getting better now. i know when we are in a bad situation it feels like the whole world is like that,but there are so many things out there. your 16-you have your whole life ahead of you.maybe it would be good to get out of your situation,out of your bubble? could you transfer schools? there are good people everywhere,and not all girls are bad either.your gonna find someone who appreciates you and loves you. just give it a chance please? don’t give up now. theres so many good things in your future.
The hospital didnt help n now I constantly get reminded of how I “put this family in debt” and how “ungrateful” I am. Basically how everyones lives would be easier without me. The only feelings anyone would have for me are disgust and anger at how much of a mess I made and how much it’s gonna cost to remove my greymatter from the upholstery.
I think you can accomplish more than you think… I wouldn’t call your music career over yet. When you have a moment, Google or YouTube can give you some insight into people who created music in their own ways. School can be difficult… No argument there. Having a difficult time in school doesn’t mean you stink at it… It means you might need to reach out and try a new learning approach. People learn in different ways. I understand the frustration with the hospital… and I’ll suggest that hospitals are good for immediate care needs. A long-term care strategy will probably help. Anybody who suggests to you that a hospital will cure your mental health in one visit probably needs to read a little bit. You can only do as well as the resources you are given. Anything you’ve done up until this point is a work in progress. Things happen, we learn, and we move forward. Where there is a weakness, we put more effort in. I suspect that there have been some accomplishments in your life. Think about them… and think about where you want to be.
I appreciate everyones efforts. I really do. But I’m done being the boy who cried wolf. I’m done being the worlds punching bag. I’m done being a drain on society. Only problem is this damn ammo is too old n the primer won’t ignite. Once again, Ryan failed at killing himself. I’ll see you all tomorrow unfortunately.
“Crying wolf” sometimes mean there is a problem. There’s nothing wrong with talking about it. Try to get some rest… We’ll see you tomorrow.
i know you don’t want to hear this,but i’m glad you’ll be here tomorrow. i know alot of other people are too,whether you know it or not.