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set the date.

by elegance

Hello, I’ve been gone a while.
but I’m back.

I’ve set a date. I’m going to go April 10th.
Yes, It’s a while away, but I still need to plan. Get everything together, have enough time to say goodbye and such.
I’m going to go by pills.

I’ve decided.
I’m tired of always being in pain, physically or emotionally, I’m very tired of it. And yes, I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried anti-depressants, I’ve tried to have someone to depend on, but nothing’s working. I believe this is my destiny.
And I’m going to fulfill my destiny.

 

I know this is permanent, I’m aware.
And I feel empty. I feel okay with that. I feel perfectly fine with the fact that everything will be over.
No second chances, no comebacks, no rewinds, no start overs, no chance to bounce back.
I’m alright with that.

4 comments
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4 comments

cantstoplivin 3/11/2012 - 7:24 am

listen, I know it’s bullshit to deal with things in life you don’t like.

there are times you can change things and times when you just have to wait it out.

my mom died when I was 5 years old and my dad beat me at least 4 times a month until I had a seizure and he almost got sent to jail. I was ignored by my entire class at school because I was half deaf and blind in one eye because of what my dad did to me. he steals my pocket money in order to buy alcohol.

but I tried my best in high school and got to an okay college, which I am affording off of my part time job and financial aid.

people are not born equal, some have to survive in places others won’t even shit in. but you have to live. you will learn that you have suffered greatly in order to show yourself how strong you can be.

I do not pity you because I have been through hell and back. I can only say that to back down from life is cowardice. by killing yourself, you have not solved any problem at all, you are just running away. in death, no matter what you believe happens after, the truth will remain that the only reason you did not have second chances, no comebacks, no rewinds, is because you kept yourself from sucking it up and moving on with your life.

you need to keep moving forward and looking straight on, even though it feels like you’ll never get out. that persistence will eventually save you.

instead of killing yourself, you should keep striving until you collapse.

killing yourself is pathetic. do not do it. the only reason you feel like this is because you’re forcing a scared person that has already been scarred by life into a horrible ending – yourself.

do not kill yourself. i have to say this to you because I was close to doing so, but right now I am 40 years old and when I look back on my life, i saw that i suffered for a good reason. it has helped me cope with adult difficulties much better.

please, do not kill yourself.

undead is all I am 3/11/2012 - 7:52 am

It’s very hard to die from taking pills
Believe me I found that out the hard way

distant.road 3/11/2012 - 9:46 am

hi elegance. For the next month leading up to your date, how about you give a good effort to review what needs adjusting… I’m sure there are some successes in your life. Perhaps you can’t think of them when things are incredibly stressful. Likewise, there are probably some things that could be done differently. It’s not easy to change your path… and sometimes it involves reaching out for help… but you’ll never know unless you try.

Mia 3/11/2012 - 4:10 pm

u dont have to do this please i mite not no u but tell me why u want to kill ur self and maybe i can help i dont want to c a life lost for nothing please dont do this to urself and the people or care and luv u please just talk 2 me on here an i will help u but just dont kill urself

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