Fellow empty, twisted, depressed, and manic readers I present the following true story of a perfect example of how the “normal populous” sees us.
I was at one time attending a support group for individuals “like my self” whom suffered from severe bi polar and depression cases. on this occasion someone new brought their mother (her daughter had been to a few meetings and so her mother decided to come).
As we begin the round table of pointless discussion E.G.how was you’re last seven days blah, blah, blah.
We finally reach a single woman who is a severe bi polar like myself. She states the following “I left my apartment last night and drove until I was out of gas. My car rolled to a stop on the freeway in a bad place to be. I sat outside my car waiting for someone to pull over and rape me then kill me.” She then began to say that she waited for over four hours before she called her father for fuel.
The mother of the other girl was shocked! The rest of us didn’t even flinch. The mother asked the woman why she would do that. We all knew that the rest of us understand suicide and some kind of end to our existence.
The woman just replied “because I want to die”.
Following group I went home and asked my wife if she has ever considered committing suicide. Her response was “OF COURSE NOT”! That’s when I knew someday (maybe soon) I would end my life.
It is us that are “different”. All of us. we are all exceptions to societies laws. Your family and friends may think they understand you, but they do not. Your illness is not treatable. It can be suppressed but never fixed. You will struggle with it until it consumes you. I’m sorry (with apathy)
So let’s all raise our daily meds together and always know we are different, broken, and in the downward spiral. Hold on got the ride.
10 comments
Scary isn’t it? I’ve always known I was different and broken. I wonder why. But we are in good company I guess. Think about all the amazing people in history who’ve been through it too. Maybe we aren’t wrong or abnormal. Maybe they just cave in to lies and we just can’t.
Maybe… You do have an excellent point emptiness7. We are in good company but, in my eyes almost all I see is the difference between myself and them. I look at all the mindless things, places, and people everyday and I ask myself would I miss that or them and the answer is always no.
On occasion I feel like making a list of things of anything I may miss but then decide it would be almost everything. Lol.
For now I will wait until something really bad happens. Which I’m sure won’t be long.
Take it easy or go crazy.
Iron
Hm, well, of course someone who has never felt the affects of depression would completely understand. Did you ever think that maybe the woman’s mother that came to the meeting went for a reason? Maybe she was trying to understand better. We’d never get anywhere with people thinking they are the ‘exception’ to ‘societies laws’. And that goes for a depressed/suicidal person or a ‘normal’ person. You think that people don’t understand you, but have you ever tried to understand them? It goes both ways. It’s perfectly understandable for someone to be shocked that a person would WANT to be raped and murdered. After all, rape and murder are horrific things. I don’t mind being different, but I am no exception to society, I am a part of it, and so are you.
@iron: there certainly are so many things worth sticking around for. Sometimes it’s hard because there are just so many corrupt people, so much evil, and so much heartlessness. So how do we balance something beautiful and worthwhile with someone who murders her own child, who tortures animals, who wastes all they’ve been given, who takes and takes and then is too selfish to understand the pain he causes? It’s so hard but I guess it’s all about perspective. Because even in the midst of the worst pain of my life that I am suffering now, I know there are good people. There are animals, there are sunsets, there is art and nature and great stories. I have to remember that even though right now I can’t see those things without hurting that they’re going to be there in a few years once the pain has subsided. And the ones who’ve hurt me, in particular a friend who took literally everything from me-money, my happiness, my faith, my hope, and my heart-won’t be. As much as I know I will always be broken and that this pain and betrayal is going nowhere-that I am forever changed-I also know that it takes the few of us who know that there is something beautiful in a painting or a poem or a flower or an animal to keep this world from being absolute and total shit.
I do agree with the two sides to every story. All of your comments hold true, so maybe this is just my solution. The storm I am caught up in is of my own doing. Bi polar: act without consequence.
Drain the life of your loved ones and disappear completely.
I am grateful for the others on this site. Something I never thought I would say. We all fight some win some win some lose but with all of you helping one another out it does give hope to all of us who need it.
I will lose no matter what but on my way out I will try to inspire then destroy.
I guess it depends on how severe your depression is or if you are so close to the edge that you can’t be talked back. This site is very useful and it helped me a great deal, a lot of the people on it are kind and encouraging. However, it wasn’t enough for me. I realized that I had to do the rest – I’m responsible for changing how I feel. I just needed a push in the right direction first… away from the edge.
ironmiserie333
Wonderful story.
Thanks for sharing.
Makes sense.
and add atheist, asexual, and reclusive to that while living in the bible belt and you have got YAHTZEE !!!!
I raise my glass to you. You have captured my thoughts.
@everyone: thank you all for your posts. I love all of your positive reinforcement. You are all good people. I am standing on the edge. Of course I have family and friends, I have an excellent psychiatrist, I take numerous meds everyday, and still it seems to me that the destruction of my own life makes sense. I am an atheist. So afterlives are not a concern. most psychological illness is genetic So I often wonder maybe a small few of us are destined to die by our own hands.
Maybe…maybe not.
Iron
Being suicidal doesn’t necessarily deviate from the norm..