this time of day….

I cannot stand a new day beginning. I hate the daylight because i live in the darkness. Today begins a new day to struggle through..i dont have alot of fight left in me. The older i get the more tired i am. I use to dream even in the darkest of times…i use to dream of just living a normal life…a decent home..an education..friends..family..job..a littlte money in the bank..i do not dare to dream of that anymore…i use to be a good mom..but ive hurt my boys..and i cant even speak of that…nothing hurts more than the pain of your children. My heart overflows with love and regret and pain for them. The pain of that is unbearable. Already craving drugs..no money for them..doom and damnation hanging over my head..the lonliness in a world full of people…x