I will be 15 in 3 weeks. My depression started when i was 13. I began to start cutting myself. Now i have scars left on my arms as a memory. The last time i cut was in December. I would cut whenever something would really upset me. Then when i was 13 my mom implied that i was fat so i developed an eating disorder and i lost 30 pounds from that so far. I have not recovered from either. I have a tendency of relapsing. When all of this began someone came into my life and he tried to help me. He was my gardian angel. But i just kept pushing him away… He got tired of it… We lost contact and i felt completely empty… Then high school started… A new year… New people. It was great, for a while. And then my depression came back, i began to lose weight more rapidly. On new years eve of this year i swallowed a bunch of pills and i was rushed to the hospital. I should have died that night from all the pills i took, i took enough to kill 3 people. I was lucky to still be alive. But that night. My parents found out about my eating problem and cutting and i had to see a therapist for a month. They said i seemed fine so i didnt have to see him any more. Well this guy i really like asked me out a week after new years, he changed my life, he was a great friend and a great boyfriend, he was 1 of 2 people who have ever been able to help me, but just like the other person i kept pushing him away… He was my longest relationship, we lasted a month and 3 days. And then we broke up, i am responsible because i kept pushing him away. That caused me to go comPletely histerical. I had complately lost it. I felt more depressed then ever. Now it has been 5 weeks since the break up and we are still pretty good friends, but since the break up i have not eaten a full meal. And u often get these thoughts of suicide. I feel completly empty in side right now.
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hi, tryintostartanewlife. Things will get better… That is the short answer to your question. It will take some time. Is it possible to restart seeing your therapist for a little bit? It seems like a month is not a lot of time… You’re just getting comfortable professionally and getting on the same page… and then things end. It might be helpful to have someone encourage and coach you. I understand the urge to push people away… Speaking from experience, this makes things worse. I am glad you achieved your longest relationship. That is a good start. From there, you can build on that. At just under 15, your whole world is ahead of you. Everything you do now is preparing yourself for your future. Use today wisely… and do the best you can at everything you do. That will guarantee that the answer to your question is yes. If you need to talk, many of us will listen. This is a good site.
Sometimes i just feel like there is no point in living because you live and then you die, whats wrong with sooner rather than later? I have not been really depressed for a long time. And then it just hit me tonight, i had a break down, and now i dont have people there for me because i have pushed them all away
Anorexia is a really tricky disease. My friends say im skinny but to me im far from it. One of my friends have Anorexia too, she thinks shes fat but she is really skinny. And i have tried to helP her, but i find it kind of funny how im trying to help her when i cant even help myself. And im glad you got help and have gotten better! Thats great!
Yes… In it’s least complex sense, we all live and die. It’s what’s in the middle that is important… There can be so many experience and memories placed between the time we’re born and the time we pass. Everybody’s death follows their own individual story. Your story isn’t done yet. There are people you’ve pushed away… I’ve done the same thing. It doesn’t have to always be that way. As things unfold and you move ahead, there will be more people entering your life. Some will become close. We learn from our experiences…. each one of them. I know what it’s like to push everyone away… and I know, as I go forward and cross paths with people, that I probably shouldn’t do that. If you use the lessons that you learn… even from bad experiences… you’re helping yourself.
hi,welcome 🙂 i was diagnosed with anorexia at 15. i was lucky,I got help before I was dangerously underweight,and I feel blessed that I was brave enough to get treatment.(i’m so proud of you too!!) I’m 19 now,and it’s been a hard few years,but recovery is possible. i agree with distant,i think therapy is important. this disease is really hard to fight sometimes,but you CAN overcome it. I believe in you,and I’ll pray for you. 🙂 stay strong! my poor friends went through quite a bit with me…isolation is part of the disorder,the ed becomes more important than even the people you love sometimes. i was ashamed of it,i tried to keep it a secret.once i finally came clean to my best friend though,and she cried. she had known that i had anorexia,and had been waiting for me to let her in.I know it’s hard but try your hardest to not isolate the people who love you. we’re all here for you. about our boyfriend. i’m really sorry.:( i know relationships can be hard,when i first got sick i had to break up with my bf at the time and move away. it was really sad,but we keep in touch. and i moved on. no matter what happens,whether you get back together or not,it’ll be okay. 🙂 your young,he’s not the only guy you’ll ever love. like distant said,there’s so much ahead of you.
it’s really strange that way,i know. i couldn’t see myself clearly either,i thought i was overweight when i wasn’t. i look back at pictures now,and i can tell i was sick,but at the time it’s like my eyes couldn’t see clearly. that’s a really scary concept. but they call it body dismorphia. i think it’s great your trying to help her.:) but please try and get some help for yourself too and if it’s possible encourage her to do the same. as someone who is recovered.(or recovering,it’s a day to day thing i think) i believe counseling is really important. hang in there okay? i didn’t believe people when they told me i was underweight but i see it now. do you think ou could be going through the same thing as I did and as your friend?
Possibly. When i first stopped eating i promised myself i wouldnt be one of those people who dont eat at all and they are really underweight and i promised myself i would sart. Eating again as soon as i saw myself as skinny, well. Here i am about. A year and a half later still not eating, i dont think i have lost any weighr at all but the scale says otherwise
it happened gradually for me too. i was in denial,and then i went to the doctor and she finally got through to me. I didn’t have a period for 3 years,and i still couldn’t see it. *hug* please,if you can,trust your loved ones because they want what’s best for you. i know it’s hard,and i went back and forth,sometimes the eating disorder “voice” would take over and I would panic,but my loved ones pulled me through,and i finally decided to fight for my life and overcome it. i know you can too! you’re worth it! i’m always here if you need to talk. i’m really happy you’re talking to us! getting help is the first step,I know how scary it is,and I want you to know i’m really really proud of you.
sometimes the scariest part was trusting my family over myself and my own feelings,because i finally accepted i was sick,and that i wasn’t seeing myself clearly. i know that’s a really scary thing. i have to go now(if i don’t sleep soon i’ll be completely useless tomorrow.:P) but i’ll be back tomorrow,i’ll always reply if you want to talk.