As i sit here i am playing “Born to Be Somebody” by Justin. Ive been listening to it for about 30 minutes now. ive never been one who’s into his music, but this song is helping me with my broken wings.
I am so tired, emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, just everything in me is tired. I wake up each and everyday and i plant a smile on my face. what else can i do? i was born into a family of strong christian faith and this, my feelings, my broken wings are not acceptable. So i hide. Smiling in my mother’s face like a hypocrite, laughing with my father as if the world couldn’t be a better place.
But I’m Dying Inside!!!! I don’t know what to do!! i think about suicide more and more each and everyday and i just cannot take it anymore. I make it a point to listen to everyone else’s worries and problems in hopes that i will learn to stop feeling so sorry for myself, but i must admit, it just makes me feel worse.
My father has lost his job, my mother cannot work because of my past suicide attempt and where it landed her, and bills are not failing to arrive on time. I just hate myself, i dont know what to do. I keep thinking about just doing it. Right here, right now. but then Justin comes around and says “I was Born to be Somebody” and once again, my broken wings don’t seem so broken, but not for long.
Depression is so heavy. I feel so weighed down, no one knows me. I feel as if i have the devil living within me. I just want to give up. whats the point of being in this world if its never anything but sadness and hopelessness? i just… i dont know…. my broken wings are once again at their lifeless state. i was not born to be somebody. i was a mistake. i need to just leave everyone alone, they’ll be better off without me.
Broken wings, yet born to be somebody? not a chance.
But i survived my attempt, doesn’t that mean something?
yes, you didn’t try hard enough.
…………………….
no, no, no!!
……………..
No, i was born to be somebody. Not every bird can fly. Sometimes, they go through things that cause their wings to break and they just need some time to recuperate. thats the case for me, i will get through this. I will get through this because you all have helped me realize that i am not alone.
My broken wings don’t seem so broken now.