Going to Gloria’s

Dear Gloria,

It’s your favorite niece writing. I’ve been thinking, and this summer I would really like to come visit you. I’m so sick of this fucking family with their fucking up tight opinions and suburb attitudes. Every single one of them just pisses me off. I’m serious, just looking at one of them makes me want to take a bullet to the head. Today your little sister and I got in a fight….again. I figured as much would happen, it always does when schoolwork becomes a requirement. Apparently “we don’t communicate like we used to” well how the fuck am I supposed to “communicate” when she wont take me for who I am. I mean, she knows everything about me! Well, almost everything. God, we used to be so close. How the hell did this happen?

I miss you. You were the only one who’s seemed to understand me. The only one who hasn’t treated me like I’m seven. You tell me how it is, and I love you for it. You….I don’t even know how to explain how much I love our relationship. Really, we should have been sisters and not my mom and you. I told my mom about the possibility of going to visit you sometimes. She said I couldn’t without her. I mean, I know a visit from your baby sister would be nice, but this is her idea of an escape. Her and me and you. I don’t think so, that’s not an escape I’ve heard of. It sounds more like prison. Speaking of prison, your brother’s sentencing date was postponed.

Fuck the state. Fuck the government. Fuck everything until it’s raw and begging for mercy. I need a trip to california with you. I need it. I swear to god, I’ll drive off a cliff If I have to deal with these idiots any longer. My dad gets it, he’s my rock here at home. But he doesn’t have primary custody and I don’t always get to see him. God I want a joint right now.

Don’t worry, you’re little nieceypoo isn’t a drug addict, I’ve actually never smoked weed, but I crave it. Is that strange? Thats another thing, you could teach me how to make hemp butter and I could teach you the trick to brownies (yes, I know how to make them. Don’t ask). We could get totally baked and just sit out in the sun. I think about it. My dad promised me some, but we haven’t gotten very far.

I do smoke cigarettes though. I steal them from my dad, or use the half empty butts he leaves in the ash trays around the house. I know it’s a horrible habit, but it lets me sit down and not be me.

But I couldn’t tell my mom any of this. She’d ship me off, never let me see my dad again. Blame him for all of this. God! she was the fucking alcoholic. She was the one that sent herself to the fucking phsyc ward for a week without telling me and not letting me visit. And I’m the bad person? because I smoke? Well, fuck that.

My mom wont send me to you alone because she told me about when your other sister came and visited and you gave her the suicide pill. Fuck, what does she know. So much happened at that trip, you admitted it to me. I know the story better than she does! I hate this, all of it, everything I just told you. I feel like a statue crumbling into one million pieces, and it’s all because of this fucking family.

Is this why you left? why you went to California at the first chance you could? Even with such a scum ball for your first husband? Did they drive you nuts too?

Well, hope you’re doing well. I better get off if I’m going to make my bedtime (yeah, I have a fucking bedtime now. How fucking jank)

<3 always

your favorite fucked up niece.