how it all started

all of this pain…it didnt just come alive inside of me. it brought on throughout the years. i remember myself being such a happy child. i remember loving life and i remember i hated thought of dying. then i got to 5th grade and thats when everything started to change. people started to make fun of me because of my weight and because i wasnt all that smart.6th grade was the worst. the kids in my class tricked me into thinking that this guy really liked me and after a while i started to really like him too. then they told me that he never liked me and that he had a girlfriend all along (i didnt know that because i never saw them together). they played with my emotions like it was a game. they started to make fun of me even more and they always called me fat. i started to feel insecure and my self-esteem started to get real low. finally in 7th grade i stopped giving a fuck about what anyone said and i was happier. i balled up the pain and pushed it to the back of my mind. but something happened in 8th grade that changed. in the second semester i started to feel real low. i stopped caring and i started to cut. i stopped caring about life and i excepted the fact that i will never be anything. ill always be a loser. from then on nothing ever got better. life – and myself – started to get worse and i was never able to push those depressed feelings away.