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I just…

by fitzgerald

I don’t even know why I’m here right now, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hear nothing but the same everyday, tedious, asinine commentary that hums along relentlessly. I have no one to talk to about anything remotely real or of any interest to me. I don’t care about anything; I just want this to be over. All I’m capable of feeling is misery, zombie-like boredom and  some fake short-lived ecstacy . I just have no appreciation for life; absolutely nothing makes me feel genuinely happy. I’ve lived my life in those brief moments, however fleeting, and once I come down I only feel worse than before. I just want to talk to someone who knows what it’s like to feel like an alien in your own body; who knows how it feels to sob to the point of breathlessness over absolutely nothing; who knows how it feels to lie staring at the wall for days unable find the will to move; who knows how it feels to be on top of the world and who knows what it feels like when you suddenly fall. I want to be able to say how I feel without sounding like a complete moron or a whiny little ***** but I don’t know what it’s like to feel human. I don’t care about anything because nothing feels real.

Anyway…sorry for complaining, I’m very drained today :P. But I feel like I’ve built a family-I’ve-never-met here and since I can’t talk to anyone else, here I am. Hopefully I’ll be out soon and no one will have to listen to me anymore. For now I just don’t know.

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2 comments

emptiness7 4/24/2012 - 11:45 pm

I’m here. And reality is always questionable. Don’t apologize. 🙂

U.N. Owen 4/25/2012 - 8:14 am

” who knows what it’s like to feel like an alien in your own body; who knows how it feels to lie staring at the wall for days unable find the will to move; who knows how it feels to be on top of the world and who knows what it feels like when you suddenly fall”

Been there many times.
And I really wish I were not human.
Wish I were an alien of a species that had mastered themselves and had little or no flaws compared to humans.

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