Just Take Everything Away

Its not even like I’d care .. Almost everythings gone anyway . I had my parents taken away when I was 2 because of drug addiction . All my biggest hopes and wishes were taken away when I was 8 and I realized “mommy” & “daddy” don’t think I’m any more important than their drugs and new boyfriends/girlfriends . When I was 11 , leuchemia took my grandma from me . This past winter my past caught up with me . All my memories started rushing back and I started acting differently . Because I’d changed so much , all my friends were taken from me too . I’ve had a lot of crushes recently . Because of the scars and all the eating I’ve been doing , any beauty I’ve ever had is virtually gone too . No boys find me funny or pretty or desirable .
I have days where everything is fine , and I can laugh and love my life .
I also have days like today where I’m arms reach from grabbing those scissors and ending everything . But the truth is I’m scared , so the cuts I make are small ones . I don’t wanna have my life taken away too .
Can someone help me ? I truly hate my life . I wanna numb all my pain somehow . I want everything I’ve ever lost back .