This is the fourth time this has happened to me in five months.
First one was a guy I dated for two months. Things were fine, no problems, until towards the end, after he got a text from his ex saying she was jealous that he was dating me and he became distant. He told me he stopped feeling things for me, after telling me how strong his feelings were. I was aheady in the hospital that summer for having constant thoughts of suicide after ending a serious relationship with a guy that left me about six times and cheated on me once. I began to hurt myself again, despite all this help I got. My winter break was a month, so I spent it mostly sitting around and doing nothing while my depression ran its course.
Second time was almost two months ago. I met a new coworker and he was into me right away since we seemed to have a lot in common. On the first day he came to visit me at my place, once my roommate left, he pulled me on top of him, made out with me, and tried to take me clothes off. I stopped it, questioning his motives and he said he actually liked me and after a little more making out, he said he didn’t know what he wanted, but I didn’t care much because I didn’t know what I wanted either. A couple days later, I began to think that I liked him, and I went over to his place, but he acted different. After only hanging out for an hour, he left to go to a party, kissed me, and left. I texted him later telling him I liked him, but I was nervous because of how my last relationship went, and he told me he didn’t know what to do, that it was “all up in the air”. After a few more talks and me getting more upset every time, he decided he didn’t want me, he just wanted to be friends. A couple weeks later, he began to flirt with me and want to do stuff with me again. I was like, whatever, I don’t care, I’m actually getting attention. We ended up hooking up again, and it wasn’t very enjoyable. I cried after. I basically just allowed myself to be used.
A week after that, I was visiting my hometown for a night and I went and visited my last ex at his work. He later hung out with me at the park nearby and he began to flirt with me again and he ended up kissing me and said he felt something again. We began to talk and hang out again. I even invited him to go to a show with me. There, I noticed him getting distant again. A couple days later, he told me he stopped feeling things for me again. Now being fucked over by him twice, I was pissed, but I didn’t let myself get too messed up over it.
A week ago, I met this guy at a show. I ran into him before, but this is he first time we really talked. Towards the end, we danced together and after I left, he was texting me how he really liked me. We talked more and we had even more in common with the last guy. A couple days later, he came over and brought me food because I was sick. He kissed me and we ended up cuddling. Last guy didn’t show any affection, so I thought this was a good sign. He invited me out to another show and we had a really good time, but after the show, he was definitely trying to get in my pants and he wanted me to touch him. I thought he was different, so I obliged. Since that day, he became a little distant. Eventually, two days ago, he cancelled our plans and after I was telling him I really liked him, he told me he didn’t know what he wanted, but that he liked me and wanted to get to know me. I was, of course, REALLY upset. He didn’t even talk to me the next day until I said something. He then told me he didn’t want a relationship with me, but that he still liked me. Well, he thought he really wanted to be with me for a bit, but he realized he was wrong. I couldn’t believe this was happening again. Again! He knew what had happened to me before, he said he wanted to change that, but he ended up being just like the others.
I went to my friends and all they were on his side, saying it’s okay for guys to lose interest like that. How the fuck is that okay?! It keeps happening, over and over… No one stays with me. No one gives me a chance. I really tried to not let my depression or my fears get to me. It seems like no matter what I do, I always get fucked over and I never get better. I don’t really have support. I’m told it’s just how it is, that it’s my fault, or that I never do anything to fix my problems.
I don’t believe counselors will help me, they didn’t last time.
I feel completely trapped, I don’t know what to do. I just wish someone would not lead me on like that. I wish someone would just… stay.
I attempted suicide a few hours ago, but my roommate came back before I really could do anything. I’m thinking about possibly trying again later.
3 comments
I’m on your side.
You are right and those boys are wrong.
I know you can see it as clearly as I.
I also know that you can see the pattern.
Re read your post, get it?
They are leading you on.
Leading you on to break down your boundaries.
The boundaries that keep you safe.
Yes the right counselor can help, you just have to find the right one.
A Mentor can help too, a trusted adult who won’t try to take advantage of you.
Of all the relationships you have, the one with yourself is the most important.
Be your own best friend, date yourself for a change!
No really!
Treat yourself, pamper yourself, indulge, live.
and then stand on Guard,
Create boundaries,
Do not let them hurt you,
And finally,
Promise yourself that you will stay safe and well,
This night and always.
Peace
Thank you. I’m still here.
Namida,
They are predators and they sense your weakness.
So your task is to love yourself enough to have that core of strength.
And then to maintain your fortitude in the face of their actions.
It will cause the users to back off and if you run into a gentleman he will respect it.
And as your posting shows, it would be quite wise to wait to get physically involved.
A man who respects you will not mind the wait.