my dear sweet beloved

i fell in love with this one girl her name was samantha right from the bat i knew she was suicidal but that did not stop me… i thouhgt she could help me escape… she and i were very similar in many ways… people would tell me we were soulmates… we were sappose to die together that was the plan…but i wanted to finish something before i died she had agreed that she would wait for me and she did… little i knew the more she waited the more her pain… our pain grew… i told her to use my body in hwat ever she sees fit… if she was upset if she was sad she would do what ever to get her frustrations out on me… i didnt care and still dont care to what ever happens to my body…some of the ways she get her sadness out was to cut me not deep but just enough to saticfy her… i was her armor tht protected her… then one day i was at school already sad about other stuff then i felt a bond between me and her break, i burst out in tears… after school i ran towards her grandmas house i saw cops talking to her crying grand mother and i knew something definetly happend and i rushed to samanthas bed room and there she was hanging in her closet… my world, my love, my everything was gone.. i felt and still feel like a broken weapon.. why didnt she wait for me why… i wanted her i wanted to be with her forever and there she was her cold lifeless body…..you know despite us being suicidal we had a small hope we could get through this and we planned to get married if we did.. but she did not wait, i looked on her desk and i saw a letter addressed to me, i took it home and read it, it was a confession about how she felt… she was in pain…. i had killed her… i had caused her so much pain she just couldnt wait any longer…. i loved samantha greatly and still do… ive tried to move on but the thought of replacing her was unbarable…. everytime i think about her when im bymyself i cry and then i cut…. all i want is to be reunited with my sweet beloved…. its like tourture to be here… alone, without her…. i just dont want to countinue on anymore… i just want to die…