Im crying out to my familly to listen.
No one understands i cant take it. Ive been through so much in my life and no one is here to help me breack free from it.My mum is a foster carer and treats the foster kids better then her own, she spends more time with them, listens and talks but whenever i need help and support she dosnt have time or she acts like she understands so i dont keep talking and gets offensive. My mum helps everyone but forgets about her own. I lend everyone money and im sick of it my brother lost his job so im paying all his car loans plus my bills my mums behind in stuff so i lend her money, but im never worth there time unless im dishing out cash. This year marks 10 years since i was sexually abused and nothing is getting better just worst. I feel like i hurt everything and everyone around me. im 20 and my fiancee of 5 years dumped me because of my looks and how big i am. Im now 91kgs and i cant stop the weight from pileing on i just keep eating because it makes me feel better at the time and i want to stop so badly and look skinny. I just have no one to turn to and im starting to crumble ive never wrote like this before but i thought maybe someone will listen!
2 comments
I feel your pain sweetheart, i too was sexually abused 10 years ago, unfortunately for me, i also lost my baby at 16 weeks.. His baby none the less.. But hit a self destructive path.
I do the opposite, instead of eating i starve myself, or binge then purge. We are alike in so many ways, my mum never fostered any children but she is a drunk. She is horrible to me at times, tells me i am fat (5ft3 and 7 stone.. Not fat) im ugly how i can do nothing right.. Says i am a bad mother…
She also told me that i wasnt enough for her to live for because i am horrible, but my daughter keeps her going.
F**k her, she lies. Shes like the voices in my head, they lie too, every minute of every hour of every day.
You are strong, i know you dont believe me but you are, you can do this.. You can fight it.
Have you spoke to your mum and explained it feels like she has no time for you? Got any friends you can speak to? I am always here if you need me, want my email address and ill give you or anyone it. Believe in yourself. X
Yeah I know what you mean about the weight. I was once very slim, tall and athletic but because of all the crap that rains down I stopped looking after myself and would binge on booze, cigarettes and junk food.