I don’t smoke…I never have smoked…and I never will smoke…and yet today when I couldn’t handle anything anymore I bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked one…I didn’t enjoy it…but I didn’t not enjoy it…I don’t want to be a smoker…my stress made me do something that I don’t want to do…I am breaking more and more each day.
April 2012
I had an appointment to see my  psychiatrist and my mum was with me, im 15 and my psychiatrist asked my mum about our family history and after some stuff they talked, i don’t know i wasn’t concerntrating but i heard my name and i started to listen, im sitting beside my mum. and my mum said when i was 5 years old i caused her so much stress she took me to a bridge and she was going to throw me off the bridge and kill me because i cause her alot of stress and she couldn’t handle me…. but my dad saw what was […]
your entire life your told your crazy, while the ***** telling you that you are, is beating you to death in your own pool of blood,slamming your head into walls, floors,edges of bunkbed frames,doors,beating you in your privit parts, waiting untill your in the bathroom sitting on the toilet then she walks in and beats you there,tells you that you are nothing every single day of your life, meets guys off the internet, within two weeks, she moves in with them, and you find out , that they are child melesters, and your worker and your teachers that you tell every day dont ever do […]
In a few years when i plan to commit suicide, i want it to be unique, somthing that people would say, that kid is one of the kind. When i go out i want to be remmember for doing somthing so spetacular that no one has done before when commiting suicde, i once fantasized this dream where i was on the current worlds highest building and i had a gun standing there for about three hours, i gather a large crowd of people, news reporters filming me at the top of the building, and anyone who come up to talk me out, i shoot them […]
People die everyday,
if i hold you tight;
i hope you’ll stay
deaths are caused every minute,
but to tell you that i love you,
would last a second.
Sometimes you don’t really know how much you’ve loved someone;
until there gone.
But as always life goes on.
As days pass..
This one will never be forgotten,
One among many
You were my hero
You were always there,
And as i dream, you still will be
When i look up to the stars
You’ll be shining
I hate my life, I hate myself and I hate everything about me. All I do in life is ruining others’ lives, being dumb and stupid and being a b*tch. I hate myself so much, I hope I will die in a hole soon or I will be hit by a car, a train or whatever can kill me!
Life is so hopeless, and I’m worthless and useless, I serve for nothing. I’m the biggest obstruction in others’ lives…
I’m one of the victims of this life, it’s destroying my personality, it’s killing myself everyday with quarrels, fights,… I don’t want to live anymore, I’m […]
kso lately i feel like i ruined everyones lives.
i ruined my moms life because she had to have me when she was 16 and drop out of school and couldnt become a nurse like she wanted. but she did go back and finish high school. 10 yrs later.
i ruined my dads because, well he had to have me also at a young age. but he walked out on my mom when she was pregnant with me.
i ruined my families life because i just did. they always tell me they would be better off with out me. (well my sisters always say that)
maybe they will be better off […]
I’ve lost everything. Its all gone. I just lost my boyfriend cause I’ve been doing some bad things. I’ve lost my friends cause they don’t want to be around someone who is suicidal and needs their help. My famaily were never there cause all they do is criticise me. My sister says that she never criticises me but thats all she ever does. I feel so worthless, so alone. Nothing is here for me anymore. I’ve lost it all. All because I am depressed. Its all gone.
I cant shake these dark thoughts, suicide seems so appealing. I’ve been exposed to an incurable Virus, I’ve been getting help, finding support from others that are living with it, but i cant help but feel disgusting, like a leper. I feel dangerous, someone people should stay away from. I don’t want to have “The Talk” with anyone, I want to have a clear conscience. I don’t want the stress of giving my “gift” to someone else, I cant live with that. I cant live like this. I cant deal with the pain, the discomfort. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin, I only have ONE body, […]
Here we are again back on the bad track of life. I keep telling myself i just a need a second chance, a new start but i don t think it would change anything. The only thing i need to change is me. I am going to stop feeling, stop caring. If you could see me now, whispering those uncertain words and smiling because i don t think i ‘ ll ever be able to shout down my emotions. one of my greatest weakness that is destroying me and watching my mind decaying part by part.
I tried to put myself to sleep again. Forever… I […]
Of those victims that have been sex-abused, the thought of your own body just piece of meat.
Wishing to die, trying your best to detach mind from what that is, a body of filth but with worth to ravish.
Body that young is then out finding guys to ascertain if still a value left there of that pathetic meat, but all that to be found will just be disappointing, if not inviting downrightly another force-entry.
Being young should be fun enjoying school years innocently, but often have to find being called sluts.
As if already there an atmosphere of lust (if not gloomy) stamped on the […]
Em, to be quite frank I could give a toss about existing as a science form of a “human being”, who, at this point, feels as though I cannot connect to society on any sort of level that is going to be productive for myself, my future, interactions with others or work any harder than I have for financial security for when I am at an age whereas I cannot look after myself anymore. Personally, I find the world around us has screwed anyone that gives a sh*t about a decent life, it is obviously a mental f*ck of whereas I have no energy to […]
My mom just gave birth to a baby girl which means i now have 4 sisters. I’m afraid that she’ll end up to hate the world,to feel unwanted and to feel like she needs to be perfect like the other 3. I want this baby to be positive about everything,to believe,to hope,to think that everything isn’t based on appearance and that everyone should be excepted. I want her to be open minded and open hearted like i am. Me as the first born watched as my mother attempted to raise us all in hate but i was the only one able to wake up and […]
i just found out litterally 2 min ago that my friend holly died last night in the whitby fire….. she was a good friend even though we never met in person but we still texted each other… we were close and she would help me with things…. right now i feel nothing, y is that? this would make 8 deaths now and i feel nothing :'( am i truely a heartless monster…. do i really live up to my art name…. am i really someone who shows no remorse someone who feels no pain? what the FUCK AM I!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt even drink on saturday because i knew id talk to her that night, today we only got to talk for a little bit, I’ll see her in person again on Tuesday. I’m crazy about her, just need to make it until Friday when we have our date. But 5 days seems like forever, and even if i do last, the only thing ive got to look forward to will be over, then i can be done with it, then it can be over…
I am surrounded by people yet I am so lonely, my husband doesn’t love me, thenonlynman that did is dead, my dad, my mom adores my brother that have taken from me my life, money love and I work hard for everything. My own husband doesn’t provide for me less emotionally. I a a piece of meat. I’m lost so tired I just wishnJesus would come for me. It was a mistake to be born. I don’t fit in and I am worthless to all. Now my greatest joy mynjob isntakingnanchange formthenworse, and all I have is a computer to type and hope that […]
Hi all. I’m feeling empty and alone. I feel like I have no friends. People make me feel like an outcast. I have social anxiety and am constantly worried about people judging me. I feel like everyone is against me. My therapist thinks that I may have borderline personality disorder as I sometimes cut and I seem to have trust/abandonment issues. Thank you for reading this.
I am feeling low and although I dont think I am planning suicide I want my life to end???????
i dont feel like i belong anywhere in this society. im struggling with my art and life… i practically dont even have a love life… when im with my friends i feel left out like a lost my connections with them like im in a different world… i already know im not apart of my family… im what you would call the black sheep in the heard… my dad despises me because im nothing like him…. just today we got into a fight because i said i was not commuting all the way to wounderland andi told him.. well more like reminded him im alergic […]
i just wanna be done im soo sick and tired of being used and betrayed lied to and hated laughing one minute and crying the next. i dont belong here. nobody will be by my side im nothing to people can i die now? no one will care im already dead to most anyway:/