The Monster

That is all I truly am. I am the fat monster who knows no better. I see the mirror and I want to break it. The reflection is what makes me angry. To see my messed up face and my large body is to much to bare.  I have had food thrown at me like an animal and I have been put down by everyone. I try so hard to fit into this dark world but I can’t. I open the doors for the ladies as I hope their hope and any pain they may feel will go away. My mom is the only one who has showed me the love I need. I am ugly and their is no need to tell me I’m not. I know it’s the truth and I will tell you depressed does not even sum up my feelings. I accept it. I understand it. I no longer can bare this pain in my heart. I sit at my computer typing this surrounded by options. Will it be the knife, the mirror or will it be the noose? All of which I am fine with. A great fall also works for me. Anything that will put my ugly body to rest is good. Never in a million years will my worth ever be good enough for all you beautiful people. All I can hope for is that I shall no longer feel the emotions gripping with my soul. How my first times for anything shall no longer be a bother to me. The fact I can leave this world is all that I can feel for. I want to get everything in order for my death. The when and where is still in deciding but all I know is that it will all be over soon enough.I have come on here to express myself in my true form of emotions and hope that the people here are more understanding then the ones outside of here. I wouldn’t be surprised though if not. It is hard to understand the monster.