the Symptom Bearer

the Symptom Bearer

he sat angrily in his room, alone. He could hear them all talking downstairs. He knew they were all talking about him, it was always him!
Always your fault they chided him, you ruin everything.
In his family of 2 sisters and 2 brothers he was always the one in trouble, poor marks in school, always at the doctor, always in trouble somehow.
He was the Symptom Bearer.
Families are complex groups called systems. Even the simplest one parent one child family has a family system. A family system is made up of the unspoken rules and secrets of each family. Your family system can follow you into school and community.
All families have at least some dysfunction and all families have a family system that keeps each family member in their place, in their role. Some families have a drunk father, or abusive mother, or molesting uncle. These perpetrators are often kept as family secrets. Keeping the secret is a big part of the family system, no one is supposed to know.
In families with a higher level of dysfunction one person often takes on the role of hurting and acting out on behalf of the other family members. They become the scapegoat or the black sheep of the family. They are the ones who are always sick, in trouble have poor grades, become suicidal.
They are the Symptom Bearer.
They bear the brunt of all of the family pain.
They are often the children in families with dysfunction.
If they try to change, the family will try to stop them. Without even knowing. The family system will try to keep everyone in their role.
If you come out to your family as gay, you will upset the system.
If you try to get sober, you will upset the system.
If you try to stop sexual abuse, you will upset the system.

You, yes you, are not on this website by accident.
If you are struggling in school, and in your family, if you are now an adult who did struggle, there is a good chance that you are the Symptom Bearer of your family.
It all seems like your fault, they might even say its your fault. But it’s everyone’s fault. Not just yours.
You are like the tip of the iceberg and there is a lot more going on beneath the surface.

Is there hope?
Yes, there is always hope.
Your challenge is to fight against the family system, to tell the secrets, to get help, to survive and to thrive.
You can do it, I know you can.
How?
Because you are already the strongest one!

Think about it?
Why is it that when you all comment on each others posts here you all sound so strong, so caring, so heroic?
Because that’s who you are in real life.
It is only in your own family system that you have been made helpless.
But everywhere else, in the rest of the world , you are the triumphant, the resilient, the Children of Earth.

This post is part of the Circle Path I have created to teach you the way path to life without suffering;

the Voice
the Black Velvet Curtain
the Mentor
the Children of Earth

Om shanti