I spend most of my time alone. Not because I choose to, but because everybody always has something better to do. They only want me when they need something or someone to listen, or even when they’re bored. I’m obviously not wanted. And nobody listens to what I have to say anyway, so why even talk? Why be social? Why care? Why love? Why live? There’s nothing holding me back anymore, my love for writing is still and always will be within me, but my drive and inspiration is gone. No, it is NOT writers block, I have had many great writing leads, just don’t have the strive to do it. I just let them drift away with the rest of my strive to do anything. My craving for sleep has increased, and that’s all that really comforts me anymore. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep. All I do is sleep, I’ve even lost my appetite, I eat, but not much, I just don’t feel it anymore. It’s like a very big part of me has given up and died, and the rest of me is just too depressed to go on. I don’t know if I can change that. Maybe I don’t want to. Either way, I haven’t the energy for anything. And I hope I will drift away one of these nights, and release my burden of a soul.
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Have you tried setting small, realistic goals for yourself? It helps me loads when I get like that. It sucks, but at some point you have to decide that even though doing anything more than rolling over sounds agonizing, you’re going to do that one thing. (Walk to the store and get a donut, brew a pot of coffee, file your fingernails, etc.)
I love writting more than anything. I know exactly how you feel. Everything you described is the same thing I’m going through. So if you ever need someone to talk to, im here.
what @gothicgirl said above is actually true…and I can totally relate with you OP,
but yes, perhaps you just need to DO one small thing first, and sometimes/usually, the Inspiration will start to kick in again, and all the other things will then start to roll in. this is actually been attested by many psychologists/neurology/science field/research/study. there’s even a/some terms for this ‘behavior’ : ADD/ADHD , bipolar, Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and INFP Personality Type (Myers-Briggs/MBTI test), etc etc..
but I know as well: it’s easier said than done…
and this seems usually to be the problem with MANY, I repeat, MANY ‘artistic’ type of people..
We’re too ingrained deeply in our OWN imaginations-world (or even universe!),
that EVERYTHING we do in this “real-world” is becoming sooo damn dull, mundane, boring, lifeless, heavy, frustrating, depressing, and basically can’t EVER compare to our ‘super rich, vivid’ imagination world/universe!..
and this is *why* perhaps we just basically LOSE our motivations in this so-called *real-world* easily…
it’s like we keep saying: “Real Life/world is f*cking hard anyway…and too MANY factors are against me, unlike in my Imaginations-world anyway… so what’s the f*cking point of even TRYING??”..
so if there’s any console, it’s just to let you know that you’re *not/never* alone…
I can relate (and I’m from far away country across the planet btw, a.k.a: Indonesia).
email me if you want to talk further: nikiwonoto (at) gmail (dot) com