Barely Alive

I feel for all of you here. I wish I could help you all escape the misery of this awful world! It is so hard in this world. I don’t know how I’m still here! My fear of death stops me from taking my life these days but boy do I think about it every fkn day. I have tried so many times in my past, to end this misery of a life, but UNFORTUNATELY I’m still here! I don’t want to be here anymore! Since childhood, I have tried to hold onto just the smallest amount of hope,that one day things will get better, But shit only ever gets worse! I have always tried to do the right thing in life, but I have always had bad things happen to me and my lonely journey so far has been nothing but a never ending nightmare! I’m too sensitive for this cruel world and I have seen and experienced way too much trauma since birth! It’s been 23yrs of pure misery and endless terrible moments that have been so awful I cannot even put into words. I wonder if there’s really a god up there, why he never answers the desperate cries of those who suffer for years and years with no relief, despite their endless efforts to fight to survive (waiting for a miracle)! I have always been able to help others but never myself. Still trying to work out why the hell I am here. I have no good memories and trying to create one is always over ridden by some awful experience! I’m sick of trying, sick of going through this endless bullshit! My efforts help others but never myself and everyone has always taken advantage of me in terrible ways!
There’s only so much one can take in the end before they completely loose their mind! I’m so severely sick from all the stress in my life, I don’t know whether to let it kill me slowly or end it now to save myself any more pain!