… ive been cutting since i was 12….when i was little….my hole family got torn apart…my sister died…i was a year old thats when everything fell apart my dad got aressted and my mom left a year later to go run off with a guy and do drugs…year after that my sister was born and then a fews later taken away and put up for adoption…ive been living with my grandma since i was two…and then…my being picked on…really started about say…1st grade i got called ugly and stupid and frizzy haired freak….all names you can think of…and i belived them…i used to say i wanted to run away and kill myself…but bullying didnt stop after first grade all through out my school life i was bullied my true and only best friend..died my fith grade year…i had nothing…and no one to count on my own grandma had told me i was a mistake…and should never have been born….and then…few years after that my cousin was staying over for a few days…and i was little and i loved hugging people and sitting in peoples laps well i would sit in his lap watching tv and my grandparents would be asleep and he would…get “handsy” anyways i didnt have a clue what was going on and i had promised not to tell anyone about it…later i got older and relized what had happend and i blamed my self…i started cutting then i blamed myself for every bad thing that happend…and i still do school didnt get any better and in tenth it still hasnt…i still cut..a lot worse…and right now…im stiting here with a knife…wondering whats the point anymore…and how i just..cant handle the names and the bullying and the everything…and how i just cant do it anymore…and how life would be so much better without me in it for people…and how im just one big mistake and how life is just unbareable….every day gets harder and harder…and how its not worth it anymore….and how no one would notice or miss me….just be a person who dissapred…or the girl that killed herself…comptely forgoten…i feel so…dead….and alone…i cant talk to my grandparents becuase there so jugemental and..mean….i cant talk to anyone…..i dont know what to do about anything anymore..i just…cant deal…my life…keeps getting worse not better…nothing is ever good…i just dont…know anymore it would be so easy to just…stab myself or overdose…i just dont know what to do…i cant handle it anymore…i just….cant…
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That’s a lot to have gone through. Sounds like it would be nice to at least get away from the grandparents? Getting away after graduating high school helped me. Getting out of the house and away from my family who kept hurting me, away from the people who were bad “friends,” and being around people of my own choosing. I think that was the first time I felt “normal” since maybe preschool.
you may feel like no one cares about you but i dont even know you and i care about you i want to see everyone happy you just have to be strong and get through it but in the end it will turn you into somone wise and peaceful love every day of life i get called names but i just think to my self why care what people think theres more to life gods gift