Depression Sui Caedere

Im tired n going to fix that someday, if you know what pain is i can promise you that the pain i have is on a level so high that no painkillers helps, o nice…
I just dont want to wake up tomorrow, i just dont want to do that.
In my eyes life isnt worth living in anymore, there havent been a painfree day in my head since 1983 after a car crash, i died in that crash but somehow they got me back, my biggest misstake in life. Took over a year to learn to walk again after this accident.
Got a job in a tarp business and started to weld big sheets together, it didnt take 3 years i started to get problems in this job.
As stupid as i was i got more stubborn and worked even harder now when i got a family of my own.
Due to the hard work i started to get damages on my body.
Shoulders, elbows, wrists and a knee that i worked with during a period of 5 1/2 year ( cracked kneecap ) and 1 day i stopped, the knee was operated and noooo, the pain goes up on the surgery 3 times more pain.
Trying to get back to life to often but every time seen the signs that doesnt allow me to do so.
So what i wait for now is just my upcoming act when it comes, and come it will.
3 hrs sleep a night since 1983 makes wonders in or on a mind, and this pain gee.
What to say: It was not to be