I just really don’t know what to do anymore. It’s harder for me to think now, there’s just some kind of block in my mind. I stare off into space for long periods of time without realizing it, and when i snap out of it, i don’t remember what i was looking at, what i thought about during that time, or how long i was like that. Every time i imagine how life would be different if certain things changed, i break down. i break down a lot. i stopped being able to write well. it’s almost summer now, and im terrified because last year on the first monday of summer vacation i tried to kill myself. summer just has a bad feel to it now for me, as do apple juice and tylonal. i hate life. every second i spend without my best friend/secret girlfriend kills me inside. she’s like my pain medication, along with the pot we both smoke to keep our depression minimal and our appetites as high as possible. i’ve been daydreaming almost constantly about cutting my wrists and being knifed recently, and it scares me. i dont wanna go back to wanting to die. i still do, but at the moment i can see the things in life worth sticking around for. if i stop being able to see them, i plan to either drown myself or suffocate myself. i need some kind of hope, something to pick me up or change for the better. maybe i just need a good asskicking. to give one or get one. idk. idk anything anymore.
im sorry if this bored you, and im sorry if i sound stupid. im sorry i stopped capitolizing anything. im sorry i apologize a lot, it annoys my mom…..
1 comment
My day is like that, every day…continuous focus and concentration is a mystery. You’re not alone. Just remember as painful as many of our experiences are, they aren’t a reflection of the fantastic person you are. Good luck!