From The Beginning

It all started in Middle school and well i guess i’ll tell youvpeople everything from the ery beginning.

6th Grade- The beginning of the year was great,i was actually alittle happy and had a group of friends which i limit to 5 people,i had many skeletons in my closet at the time like the sexual abuse i’ve been through in the past but other then that i was a “normal” kid. In the middle of the year and towards the end my mom and her boyfriend started fighting EVERYDAY and they were loud and violent let’s just say the fight never ended wothout something breaking and i hated them for that because my younger sisters grew up in a violent way. Towards the end if the year and summer i discovered the wonderful place called The Library,i have always loved reading so i was in heaven there. I used the Library as a place of escape everyday i went at 10am when it opened and left at 8pm when it closed thats 10 hours of reading a day and i loved it. Soon summer ended and 7th grade was to start, The worst days of my life.

7th Grade- This is year is when i hit rock bottom. The fighting finally got to me as i expressed my hatred towards the adults in my house for being inconciderate and selfish,they fought in front of us and my house was total khaos,there was never a peaceful moment simply because my mother always had to start a fight. One night i couldn’t take anymore,i had been looking up alot of stuff on self-harm but i was still too afraid to until the night my parents where screaming so damn loud and i looked at my younger sisters and i saw the fear,anger,exhaustion in their eyes they to hated the fights. At this point in time our fridge was by the door to leave the house and in between them there is a tiny gap that you can go in and disapear and so i did,i took my safety pin and i started scratching at my wrists,it dodn’t hurt until after and it didn’t releave me either but it gave me something to focus on. I started “scratching” maybe once every few weeks but that escelated to once a week,once every few days until i hit my schedual of once a day.I cut in school,at home and when i couldn’t cut i would bite myself. I used self-harm to numb everything my deppression,suicidal tendencies,stress,anger and hatred. I had scratches running up and down my left arm new and old and the good thing was that since i used safety pins instead of blades you never saw a scarr. Soon after depression hit and suicide, everyday was a constant battle between these two and i just wanted it all to end but like i said im a scaredy cat :/ Eventually i started taking my moms painkillers for a way to feel numb,i took ’em in school and at home until they ran out. J started fighting with my parents aswell and gosh did we fight,it was horrible and loud. I met a girl and we became bestfriends and she practically spent the summer at my house,she told me all her secrets and im the only one she trusts which made me happy. Then my moms bf decided it was ok to molest me and i felt disgusted but i told myself that i wouldn’t let this bother me, i developed germaphobia and i became what i call a borderline anorexic. Borderline anorexia or Anorexic Phase is when you starve yourself for a period of time but you don’t go through with the lifetime commitment. After the whole incident i declared that i was Bisexual just to idk escape well eventually i really did become Bisexual and i fell in love with my bestfriend. School ended and summer started my bestfriend slept over almost everyday of the summer vacation and around june/july i asked her out for the hell of it and i became her 5th gf. I wasn’t inlove with her at the time and we both admited to liking eachother 70% but eventually that escelated, i had won her over with my personality and i became her #1 gf and she told me that she was now in love with me 110%. The summer was great but all good things come to an end. A week before 8th grade my sister (11) got into a fight with my gf (13) even though my sister started it i was banned from seeing the only thing that made me happy,i died that day and i was never the same. I came up with a plan where i would sneek around and see her.

8th Grade- I’m graduating this year and so far it’s been great. I won the war between my depression and suicidal thoughts and stopped self harming. I’m still a slight germaphobe who can’t stand saliva EW! And im still a Borderline Anorexic. I got accepted into the highschool i wanted and i’m still with my gf,actually we maje a year together on the 16th of May 🙂 My mom gave birth and her and her bf stopped fighting,i ignore my family and lock myself up in my room to avoid problems so we’re all happy. There were some sad parts like when my gf almost died because she has this heart problem, i cried for her, i found out my closest friends cut aswell and my bestfriend almost got addicted so we made a pact if she doesn’t cut for me i won’t cut either and i would eat for her so far i haven’t selfharmed and she hasn’t either but i am currently limiting myself to a meal a day :/ My mother said that she should take me to a terapist and honeslty,i want to go because i know i still need help with alot of things buy everytime i mention it she never makes an appointment or whatever.I guess i could be living proof that it does get better and you shouldn’t count your chickens before they hatch because if i never stopped myself from commiting suicide then i wouldn’t know how happiness would feel so i thank my fear for stopping me. I want to be a successful writer and phsycologist and im good at listening and advice and talking to people and sure in young but im here to help and you can contact me at animecat9@aol.com It can be about anything at all so just email me. Thanx for reading 🙂