For the past year, the past fucking year, this guy and I have been trying to hang out to try to get back together. Our plans have never really work out but at least we keep trying. He’s always been an on and off douche though. He’ll say he wants to be together then the next week he never texts me. I don’t know why I keep trying to get back together with him though.
Today though, I learned he made out with a girl over memorial weekend. To make it even better, I already hate this girl cause she made my friend and her boyfriend break up. When my friends told me, of course I just blew it off. But actually, I could feel my heart racing then breaking.
I want to get over him. I want to have my eyes not light up when I hear his name anymore. I want to not get chills when he walks by and have my heart race when he smiles at me. I want him to not get to me anymore. I want him to just be a bad memory in the back of my mind.
But I know that if he wants to try to hang out, which in his mind is just making out, then I’ll say yes.
I should hate him, but I don’t.
I shouldn’t love him, but I do.