i don’t know where to start. i’m 22 and to keep it perfectly honest i’m a beautiful, intelligent, upper class, white female. nobody thinks i have any problems… and if i do, they’re miniscule. it’s a lie. i’m living a lie. every cry for help that i make isn’t taken seriously because people can’t seem to fathom that someone who is so blessed could be so absolutely and incessantly depressed. i have been through every anti-depressant/bipolar medication, talked to countless psychiatrists/therapists/psychologists for the last 7 years… you name it, i’ve probably done it in hopes of pulling myself out of this never-ending rabbit hole that somehow became my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve always had these thoughts. as far as i’m concerned i was born with them. i have a boyfriend. at least i think he’s my boyfriend. he doesn’t understand the severity of my sadness. he thinks i’m being dramatic. every time i try and open up to him, he’ll use what i say against me in the next argument we have, claiming i’m “crazy” or “damned to an eternity of solitude”. i do get upset with him because he lacks sincerity. the only thing i wish is for him to understand how deep-rooted and personal my sentiments are, but somehow he is devoid of that ability and i become evermore frustrated as i try and convince myself that “he’ll change” or “he’ll hurt so badly one day and realize how you feel all the time”. i know i should leave him but i’m afraid that if i do that i’ll actually go through with this. i just want to be at peace. i want to stop getting so upset when something goes wrong. i always thought that life is what you make it, but at this point i’m not so sure how much control i actually have. i don’t know who to turn to or who else to call. i have no real friends. i have actually condemned myself to solitude, much like he says. i often wonder if he’s actually right. maybe i’m just some fucked up girl with issues beyond anyone’s control. maybe i just deserve to live in eternal misery… karma’s a ***** and i’m pretty sure she runs my life
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Your riqht,no one would want to take you seriously cause of all that you have but even the upper class qet depressed and It’s understand-ible.Money doesn’t mean happyness.Aqain your riqht,you shouldn’t be with him but then aqain you are with him for a reason but he calls you crazy,he doesn’t take your depression seriously.He probably think’s It’s jsut some phase.The thinq Is,It’s not a phase.It” with you forever,It will qo away for a while but It always comes bachk…..Stronqer than ever.
When I read that you have a lot of good things in your life I was like okay someone I can relate to. Because everyone is under the lie that If you have a Place to live or nice things that you can’t have any problems. Sometimes these things can even be worse. Although I still have my own troubles I love to give advice. I don’t think your boyfriend completely understands the seriousness of the way you feel sometimes. Try to help him understand because it’s obvious that the relationship is important to you. But if you try and try and he doesn’t sympathize then I don’t think it’s a healthy or valuable relationship. If your worried about losing him because you want someone to be there find another person in your life to rely on. If you don’t currently have anyone, go find somebody. Just know that you should never stop trying. Your attempts may be discouraging but there will eventually be a positive outcome. You are a blessing and you are of a purpose. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Keep believing in yourself because what you have written here is beautiful, and if the person is anything like the words she deserves things going her way. I don’t know you, but I rest assured knowing that there is someone like you in the universe. Just keep using that big, beautiful brain of yours and you’ll eventually get yourself out of this mess.
You sound like you seek empathy, of course we all do,
Of course your boyfriend should try to understand that’s an important part of an intimate relationship.
You deserve that as much as anyone else.
If you’ve tried lots of things and they don’t seem to be helping, don’t give up, group therapy can often be the most powerful healing possible.
Look for someone trustworthy, a mentor, to help sort out your relationships.
Maybe this guy doesn’t deserve you.
Om shanti
I can assure you, your BF is adding to your misery by marginalizing your condition(s). But that in and of itself puts you between a rock and a hard place … to keep him you are marginalized, not taken seriously and used for his “pleasure” without regard for your feelings … conversely if you cut him loose, you will feel lonely and unwanted. You can’t really win … at least the way it appears on the surface. i think, if it were me, I’d dump him because him not taking you seriously or caring about your feelings is MORE damaging than not having a BF at all … he brings no upside – his behavior is adding to your problems and his selfishness will never help you to find solutions, understanding or peace.
Being alone – as bad as that may be – at least doesn’t add to your problems and allows you to shift focus to finding your peace and work on yourself without wondering “what will he think?” … bottom line is, guys like that are selfish and he’s probably from your upper circles so he feels entitled and it’s only a matter of time before he finds someone who will give him what he needs without all the “neediness”. If he’s not from your “class” or status … if he’s from the “common folk”, then he’s using you plain and simple. not good – you deserve better
a relationship is a partnership – and it sounds to me like he isn’t much of a partner because he sees you as an attention seeking, over dramatic whiner – that’s no way to be viewed or treated.
the good thing about being here on this site is – everyone is basically the same, no one is better than anyone else … most here don’t judge … that said, please keep in mind that many here will never have the means and options available to them that you do … money and status can smooth over a lot of rough spots. we’re all here for a reason but despite those reasons we all (or at least most) want to help you find peace.
poor dawg
I don’t like the way he talks to you, to me it sounds condescending.
Normally I would be all for you being patient with him and trying to teach him some empathy, but honestly, you don’t exactly sound like you’re feeling up to that at the moment, and I think you should get better yourself, first.
I recommend you try and find someone who treats you well, who listens, who’s kind, whether it be a therapist (i know you’ve been through many) or some other person. Just to improve your mood. And yeah, I think I agree with you that you should leave him.
It sounds as if he’s trying to make you weak in order to feel strong himself, not good.
But you’re not weak. Like you said, you’re beautiful, intelligent, etc. And my impression (as a guy) is that girls are often better at dealing with breakups in a sensible way than us guys. So I think you could well make it out all right. But maybe start by finding a friend or someone to be there for you through the worst of it…