Lack of strength

Since my ex left me I’ve been fighting a losing battle with my mind, I’ve never been a particularly lucky man in life, I spent the entire of school being severely bullied everyday and never had anyone I could really call a friend. Once I left school and began college Life started to look up somewhat when I started to actually receive attention from others in a positive manner, during this time I met my ex, she was a shy innocent girl who actually understood that I was scared of opening up to people and showing my true feelings. I felt that this made up for all of those years I spent alone, I had planned to ask her to marry me in Summer but none of that matters now as she left me a few weeks ago.

Now everyday I’m fighting myself, trying to stop myself from doing something stupid. My legs are covered in cut and ripped off skin, in an attempt to subside thoughts of killing myself. I’m taking painkillers continuously to try and sedate myself, going out and taking anything that I get offered, I cant face being sober and dealing with my emotions.

I don’t have the strength to go on.

I will be voluntarily admitting myself to hospital on Saturday, hopefully that will save me from myself.