Things going better and worst at the same time… I solved some of my problems, but some of them seems won’t change for a long time… My brother lost all control and using psychological violence against me. Its so hard to handle. I do everything for the familly.. But he keeps saying i am nothing, stupid *****, dirty, dumb idiot and so on.. He even keep saying that when my friends hear.
So sad.. Once, he was an idol for me. Now, i want to delete him from my life totally. Good that mother is dead and doesn’t see this terrorist. Dad is being very nervous about it, but i am trying to calm him down by arguments.. I don’t wanna fight at all.. On some way i love my bro.. He helped me a lot in life. But i can’t handle this humiliation anymore.. I am a human for God sake. I asked him to talk with me like an adult person (he is 32 years!) but he started to yell that he cant speak with such a dumb ***** like me. Can You imagine?!
There left just one thing – to delete him from my life. Block. Overall i am alone, so it won’t change anything…
Days are running and i feel so lonely every time sun goes down… if he could hear me, i would tell him i love him anyway. Will always do. The man who carried me on his hands when i couldn’t walk. A friend, who was crying for me more than i did for myself. A lover, who made me feel the highest satisfaction of love and passion. But i let him go for ever. Missing is normal thing i guess…
I am sitting and watching old pictures… Mostly i was so happy there… Picture, where i am hugged by Him… My friend, that time my best friend.. later, i fall in love with him.. and lost him forever. Never had him and probably will never do. Always learn my lesson – never fall in love with a friend ! Pain is double. ! I am wondering every day where he is.. I know that now he has holidays.. He won’t call me of course. We made a deal to fly to Italy together, but after
last his refusing for a coffee i gave up. I will want him forever, because i will never get him – that is the point.
God i’m so lonely..
Im working just on Wednesday… Can’t wait! Job release me.
Warm hug can make it better… :(Â or even a call…
Hope you guys don’t feel lonely there! 
5 comments
Do you think you will be able to save me?
Hey Black_scorpio, was wondering where u were. It sucks ur brother is being a ****, if it was me, id be more and more compasionate, makes him look and feel worse, and it might just break through so u can find out what got to him so much it changed him… Im sorry it didnt work out with ur friend, it sucks when feelings like that change relationships I really wish i could give u a hug instead but ull have to settle for a *hug* (virtual hug but its the best i can do) hope u feeling ok sweetie
I wish i knew what to say … siblings can be the best AND the worst people in our lives … at the same time. my brother and I have said things to each other that neither one of us would ever dream of saying anyone else … we’ve also had bloody bone breaking fights over the silliest most irrelevant things – like what TV show to watch. all the same … if either one of us was threatened in the smallest way, he’d be the first one to defend me even if I was completely wrong.
I’ve been my brother’s “whipping post”, but he has also been my “Berlin wall”. sibling love is different from any other kind of love … it’s happy, sad, angry, elated, painful and soothing … but it is ALWAYS.
I wish I had something strong and wise to say … you seem so kind caring and sensitive.
guard dawg
i talked with my sis, we will figure something out together about bro…. and loneliness is a short thing i guess.. it comes and goes aways for everyone and always..
im taking my friend today to buy some things, and to hand together.. therapy by a woman.
Duke of marmalade>> yes.. paramedics, doctors, rescue workers, nurses etc. are sensitive and sometimes weak persons as everyone on earth, but when we are on duty – we are different..
p.s. Thank You Procel :*