my first jibber-jabber

this is my first post so if i jibber-jabber to much i do apologize. im new at this the thought of a bunch of strangers reading this is still kind of weird but one of you might be or have been in the position im in and i would actually like to know the thoughts of someone that i guess can somewhat understand me. so here goes a bit of whats on my mind right now….
i get suicidal thoughts a lot lately. a couple days ago, i guess you can say i had a bit of a melt down. i was texting one of my friends and told him i was done, tired and couldn’t take it anymore. he asked me what was wrong and ofcorse i said i was perfectly fine, he didnt belive me (of course) he wanted to talk but i told him i was tired and needed a loongggg nap he asked me what i meant and i said nothing. the next day i was late to school turns out he had told one of my friends that knew about my thoughts you could call him my “psychologist” i dint answer their calls and texts so they ended up asking one of my close friends to text me. they basically kinda blew my phone up a bit. when i got to school they were some what serious, asked where i had been and i told them at had an appointment. my “psychologist” told me he saw the messages i got somewhat upset then he said my other friend knew now. i got real mad told them they shouldn’t fucking worry about me. that same day i took a walk after school i cleared my mind a bit realized that they had a point i do have people that care and worry about me. i’ve been trying to think positively lately it’s been somewhat working. but i know the thoughts are still in here somewhere…