nomatter how much i denie it, this is my truth to myself

it will always be the person you least expect,nomatter how many times you dye your hair, or change your appearence,your still you and your nothing special, not like everyone els,life is overrated,so whats so special about making the best outa having nothing, having noone,being used consinly, every time you stick your face out the front door, you fail to make it any futher,everytime you stick your face out the front door, someone says there your freind, but they aint,they either use you, or call you once and find you worthless enough to never answer or call you again,the only person that has ever made me a promis and has kept it is dead,and that person has even called me worthless before,so noones really worth believeing,this world is hell,and if there is another hell besides this one, thene this universe is extremley fucked up,i couldnt picture burning for eternity,after being on the hell called earth and thriveing to get through,and being put on a shittiy planet were you have to withstand torcher,be nearly beaten to death everyday, treated less then humane, watch people get shot and killed,whittness things that cant be unseen, and they say if you kill your self you go to hell, what if you are a paranoid scitzophranic and you here demonds telling you to kill your self and your so dellusional that you kill yourself,then you have to go to an eternity hell?wtf!just wipe me off the face of this earth, wipe me out of existence,how can you see any good when nothing good is around you,all i see is people that have everything you dont, people that hate me for no reason,people suffering,me having no noone, mabey babies being born are precious, but i will never bring a kid into such a misurable world,id rather adopt and try to give them the best of what i can,people expect me to be all happy,like i dont have a reason to be angry, when shit keeps happening to you, you never forget,i made the mistake of listening to people,so i did what they told me to do, i pushed all the trama deep in the back of my mind,but as humane,that shit doesnt go away,when you think you forgot it, you have nightmarriors about it,you notice your consitntly checking to make sure your doors are locked,or having your lights on at night,your never the same,people who tell you to pretend it never happend are the ones who have no idea what its like.espically when life never gets any better,it still sucks,and i dont see the point, so you live your life trying to be happy, but your the unfortunate, the outsider, struggling to get by in this world,you stop trusting people,you start pushing people away,you become cold,people dispize you for it, but there the bitches that forced you to survive this way,being nice is not worthit,you will be used,you will be minipulated, do you ever see a mean angry person that is harsh being takin advantage of?no because they wont let anyone close enough to,