Now I’m not sure if I can do it

I am uncertian now. Everytime I go past thinking about it and actually set up what I need to do it I cannot bring myself to do it because of the constant thoughts of “It could still get better” Also imagining myself happy living however I choose and I hate these thoughts that I see no truth in. I wanted to hang myself and I set the noose up and stood there wearing it but there was no way to make myself jump. My only attempt was when I as 14 I took 200 tylenol and 100 asprin without even researching. I assumed I would just lay down and fall asleep, I could tell that wasnt the case after 30 minutes so I looked it up yelled “Fuck” and called the ambulance. Another attempt would be difficult and I would absolutely never risk a fail again.