The world is such an ugly fucken place.
this is really hard for me to post this.
i feel like i should. but I’m so nervous about even sharing it with people i will never know.
it started back when i was about 13. I felt really down. I didn’t really have any main friendship groups. I was having trouble with my family ad i just always had this feeling of being useless. I held a blade to my wrist. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I just felt like this was a way to make the pain seem real. and i still have scars there today 3 years later. This went on […]
So my best friend told me i’m to negative and that my life would be better if i would just look on the bright side and stop putting myself down. So i looked on google and found a list of things to say to myself while looking in the mirror
I am beautiful.
I love myself.
I’m smart strong independent women
thats all i found.
but um I’m sitting in front of my mirror but i can’t say these things to myself. I either laugh my butt off or look away. Idk why. i guess i will have to look at my ugly face in […]
I don’t think I can do this. Die. Too much of a coward to take the coward’s way out. But I can’t stay here. Why does this have to be up to me?
Most important decision of my life. And I’m choking.
I’ve always been told I have a way with words, but I’ve never felt able to communicate unless it was through music. I can say things I never thought I’d be able to get out any other way with my music. Music is what keeps me alive. Words cannot express how I feel right now, so I wrote a song about it. It was originally meant for a friend, but it turned out to be a lot more about me than I thought. Anyway, here it is. I know it’s not great, but I feel like I got out what i was trying to say.
Everything about me is broken
my phone, my bank account, my heart
i wish someone would just take them
and give me a brand new start
I’ve gone through bullets and knives
through fire and ice
through volts and ropes
through drugs and loves
through suffocation and exoneration
And yet i still am alive
I beg for peace
i beg for calm
i beg for death
and yet nothing has happened but
pain
suffering
and silence.
I am broken, body and soul
nothing in this world will make me whole
because i am scattered in a million peices
and there’s no way i can find them all
Ffs. I havent wanted to actually end my life for a long time now. Not until these passed few days. Iv’e got a place to end it.. A note in my head… I just have no idea how many and what type of pills I should take. I mean.. Even if I knew what to do, i wouldn’t even know where to get them. God damn it. If anybody wants to talk, please feel free to email me.. Please. zoebear_1@hotmail.com
~Zoe
You’re never going to actually read this, so I suppose I’ll post it here. I love you, I tried, I’m Sorry, Goodbye.
I’ve tried helping you with your problems, I wouldn’t dare see a pretty face with so much potential just disappear among the lives of the other, unnoticed and unloved. So many people try to be with you, but I know a secret, something you’ve only told me, some people, they think they know everything about you, but really, I’m the only one you told. Two months ago you were a stranger, just another pretty face in school, but then we talked, and we kept talking, that’s […]
Love this ugly little world we’ve created. Â The only purpose is to screw, eat, sleep, get drunk, get high, and go to work. Â I was lied to. Â I grew up looking at both grandparents, paternal and fraternal–genuinely in love with each other and marriages that lasted over 60 years each. Â I thought I could have that. Can’t anymore. Â You’ve completely sicked up sex so much, it’s nothing but pointless empty monkey humping. Â No love, no respect, no dignity. Â It’s a sick public farce. Â And it’s all about party party party. Â Empty. Â Pointless. Â I’m supposed to fill up 60 to 80 of that mindless garbage?
Can’t find […]
So I have a kinda long story of my life but here goes:
So when I was 1yrs old my mom went to the hospital for back surgery, the doctors forgot to clean their tools from the previous surgery they have done and my mom got an infection affecting her spinal cord causing her to go blind and have short term memory lost. And I only saw my dad on the weekends because my mom and dad split up as soon as I was born and my dad had 3 of my brothers to take care of. So I had to live with my […]
Today I burried love. I dont think the statment needs an explaination, anyone who has truely loved and lost must know how It feels. For those who don’t imagine choking and trying to breathe yet your unable to, one must not confuse it with physical pain but the emotional pain which one is unable to overcome. But the post today isn’t really about explainations, this time i dont need them… burrying love doesnt have a justification, or an explaination.
This post is about questioning how must one go on, I mean what do i do now that the future seems to be becoming my past, tomorrow it will […]
One year and 40 days ago I started a diet.
That diet quickly took over my entire life, exposing mental disorders that had been hidden before.
One eating disorder showed so much more… generalized anxiety disorder, a mild form of ptsd, cyclothymic disorder (mild form of bipolar).
My family had been perfect, but when it fell apart i didn’t know how to express the pain. I pushed it down for over 4 years.
All of that pain suddenly came out in the form of starving, throwing up, and cutting.
Slowly, I lost myself.
I had to pretend I was okay, I had to be perfect.
I lied to everyone.
I fought help at […]
For so many years of my life, I’ve endured the constant feeling of sadness and feeling alone. Every day, progressively worse than the last. Then the day came where I met someone who gave me a breathe of fresh air in my life, and gave me a purpose and reason to live. How great it was to love something more than yourself. She lives 10 hours away, I sold everything I own in this world to go see her, I leave tomorrow.
But why is it I’m so close, but I feel so scared? I feel as though I’ve already lost her, and I haven’t even […]
Why did God chose me ? It is not fair. I didint ask for this, all this pain.
I am not strong. I cry my self to sleep every night.
I hide all my feelings behind this mask, so everyone will think i am a happy 13 years old girl. But i am not.
But I believe there is hope for a better life in the future. So i got to stay as strong as i can to make it.
Do you see the light
At the end of the tunnel
Is it bright?
Come on now don’t fumble.
One slow step at a time
You can make it
You’ll be fine
Come on go bit by bit
You’ve reached the gates
Is it what you thought it’d be?
Look it’s the three fates
Dancing to sad symphonies.
Will you be waiting for me through the strife?
The comes with hell
I think it’s time to pay the price of life
Death come take my soul without fail.
I am so fed up with seeing and hearing, It gets better. DO I CARE?! if it gets better for you, great. I am even happy you don’t feel down anymore, but I DO!! the only way things will get better is by suicide. people claim to care, but they lie. they all lie. i have been betrayed and lied to so much in such a short time span i can’t even trust my own dad!
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
Hi, I’m tired of seeing all of these amazing people hate themselves. If you want help, then come here. I’m trying out a new thing and I’ll be posting more things too. You are worth way more than the people who are saying you aren’t. So you can join if you want…I want the first thing….look at yourself and pick out three things that you like (don’t deny it, we all have them) We all have those things that we try to make extra pretty and impressive. So if you want to join, just comment below, and if you can’t think of anything, then tell […]
i live by a quote. i know it seems stupid but as soon as i found it i knew that it would be important to me.
“no man is free if he fears death. but the minute you conquer the fear of death, at that moment you are free.”
i love that quote. i love the challenge of it. and when i thought i was living in hell and i couldn’t wait to die i thought i won. i thought that i had found the meaning of life and that i was ready to die. i thought i was free. but the truth is, i wasn’t. i […]
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