So.. Lonley

My whole life have been a nightmare.. from my early days until today, it all started of with my dad hitting my mom while i was watching. And i can remeber it, but still i feel like i can see it.. during primary school everything was fine, had a couple of friends but not close friends, and now when im in high school none of those ”friends” are there. Im so lonley it feels like nobody knows im ther… everyone is just looking right through me… like im a ghost or something. And when i come home from school i get down on my cold dark room turn on my computer check my facebook, and as always no request… and then i look for someone to talk to… but when i say: hello .. they say hey back and i ask what they are doing and thats it. and for a couple of months ago i met this girl at a camp.. i was sitting under a three all by myself minding my own stuff like i always do, and then suddenly this girl from my city came up to me and asked how i was, and i told her that i was fine and all that stuff, but i knew it wasnt. i really just wanted to junp in her arms and give her a big hug and screem out thank you but i did not do it. yeah, so we started hanging out together and everything was perfect and then suddenly other girls started noticing me and they all started talking to me. and one day this girl followed me home and i almost had sex with her, but i said no because i started thinking of her. and then some days later i asked if we should meet and then she said she did not want to see me again and left my life forever. Now she dont even look at me when i meet her in public. and that week i stayed in bed for the whole week witht the light shut of and the windows open my door was closed so mom didnt come in.. and now nobody talkt to me.. im so loneley, and i dont think my shoulders can carry all this pain.. i just want to sleep… forever sleep.. and i dont even think people would notice if i ever died..