Life seems to be like piano keys: black & white.. black & white.. We make decisions what cause a chain of actions. We make fails, we make victories. Nobody’s fault.
Jill Bolte Taylor, scientist in this video, made me think over my life and things around… Really good stuff to watch.
These days seems great – i bought a new car, spoke with my bro (made him apologize and little peace between us), my boss in job sent me to teach kids how to make CPR – it was great expierence. Before a few days boss saw me smoking in the yard of ambulance.. Come on! She run to me and said such a huge moral.. Honestly, she’s right – i’m beautiful girl, with white smile and blue eyes – with a cigarette who kills that cute view. Moreover, she prohibited to smoke in a yard to all my ambulance station! Guys will kill me after knowing that it was my fault. Then boss told me she will do everything to make me quit it. I thanked to her.. And went to smoke secretly 😀 Kids garden ! Real kids garden !
I will quit.. if she wants so. Because i feel guilty and shame after that accident.. I called her cow and she heard that… Didn’t mean it! I always seemed really good, smart and cute girl for her.. After calling her cow and standing with a cigarette under general boss’ window i ruined all good minds about me. Because smoking in my country doesn’t fit to a woman. We need to hide.. Because we are forced to feel shame and dirty.
Anyway, things seem calm right now… Full moon is over.. Two weeks and i will go to foreign so it keeps me smiling..
But.. my ex, my love, will be there.. Can’t stand this feeling ! What i will do? what i will tell him? how i will act? will he talk with me? Will we even say hello? will he come with a new gf? 
Im really affraid he will ruin my secondment and hard job.
Because i know my heart will shake. it shakes now! i know i will lose all ability to talk. i will shake. i will feel …. i want him back. Only one thing can save my ass and brain: bottle of good old russian vodka.
I wish i can throw all feelings to a garbage box NOW.
Because in silence i count days… days to meet him. Probably it will be the last time to see him… That makes me smell autumn.
Good night everyone :* Today i’m tired.
4 comments
I liked your post 🙂 And thanks for the link!
And I love the picture.
Can I ask what your native country/language is?
english dawg
hey Dawg.. no sorry :] Europe. I am european 🙂 and yes, my english sounds awful maybe.
@Black_Scorpio … i know your english may not be great but there is a fun, romantic and/or endearing way it comes across … besides, I know some people who claim english as their primary language that can’t use it as well as you.
peace and blesings
smitten dawg