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Update: Fade to Black

by Help89

I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if you and your girlfriend refer to me as lunch meat and refer to her as steak? Why do you even need to discuss me with her? Why do you have to hurt me in this way and many other ways?? Why can’t I escape the pain of losing you? Why do I still want to be with you and love you after you played me and disrespected me like that? Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I just die? Nobody cares anyway. They say they do because it’s politically correct. But they don’t really care. I should just fade to black. No more pain, grief, worry or tears. Just silence. Peace. Still. Calm.

Update: I went to his mom’s house (where he lives) last night to try to talk, be civil, be mature and to try to get closure. As soon as he saw me, he immediately grew into a fit of rage. He put his hands on me. He picked me up and pushed me and attempted to throw me down a flight of stairs. He yelled and said he hated me, never wanted to see me again, and to get out. I said “why are you treating me this way? is it because of your new girlfriend, who you allow to disrespect me?” he wouldn’t answer. He just continued to yell for me to get out. I kept saying “why are you pushing me away? What have I done wrong?” Still, no reply. Then he told me he hated me and didn’t care if I lived or died. His mother told me he was confused and torn in his feelings between me and his new steak girlfriend. He told his mother he didn’t mean it when he said he still had feelings for me last week. He told her he only told me that to make me feel good. He told me he didn’t care if I lived or died. So maybe I should do him that favor and permanently vanish, so he and his new ***** can live happily ever after!


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here_to_listen_now 5/14/2012 - 12:28 pm

He is not worth destroying your life over. Anyone that would say that to another human being is not worth it. I know it’s hard to see now, but your hurt feelings will lessen as time goes on. The best revenge you could have on him is to show him that you don’t need him for your happiness. People always think that hurting the hurter is the best way to get back at them but it’s really not – that just makes them thankful they’re out of the situation. Try and just take it one day at a time.

nadalaa 6/10/2012 - 3:49 am

Lunch meat or steak, still meat. And I love meat (yumm). They have different tastes, but one is no better than the other, really. 🙂

Back to your story..

I want you to read over what you just wrote. Do you realize something? You are reliving your childhood of being physically and emotionally abused. Maybe it’s because it seems so familiar that made you so attached to it (him)? He seems unhealthy for you, is there a reason why you claim to love him so? I’d love to hear. Would you, if given the chance, come back to him? And have him yell at you and push you throughout your whole relationship? Unless you are a masochist, I don’t think so.

You only want to feel loved (you’re not the only one), and that is not something he can give you. If I were you, I would not grieve, but rather pity his current girlfriend. She’ll have to live with him and his ‘tantrums’. Consider yourself lucky that he distance himself from you. There are many women trying to run away from relationship and marriage out of fear. Do a search on domestic abuse and see that woman are trying to get rid of the kind of guy you so badly want to have.

It’s a blessing in disguise.

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