I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person.Â How can I be a great person if you and your girlfriend refer to me as lunch meat and refer to her as steak? Why do you even need to discuss me with her? Why do you have to hurt me in this way and many other ways?? Why can’t I escape the pain of losing you? Why do I still want to be with you and love you after you played me and disrespected me like that? Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I just die? Nobody cares anyway. They say they do because it’s politically correct. But they don’t really care. I should just fade to black. No more pain, grief, worry or tears. Just silence. Peace. Still. Calm.
Update: I went to his mom’s house (where he lives) last night to try to talk, be civil, be mature and to try to get closure. As soon as he saw me, he immediately grew into a fit of rage. He put his hands on me. He picked me up and pushed me and attempted to throw me down a flight of stairs. He yelled and said he hated me, never wanted to see me again, and to get out. I said “why are you treating me this way? is it because of your new girlfriend, who you allow to disrespect me?” he wouldn’t answer. He just continued to yell for me to get out. I kept saying “why are you pushing me away? What have I done wrong?” Still, no reply. Then he told me he hated me and didn’t care if I lived or died. His mother told me he was confused and torn in his feelings between me and his new steak girlfriend. He told his mother he didn’t mean it when he said he still had feelings for me last week. He told her he only told me that to make me feel good. He told me he didn’t care if I lived or died. So maybe I should do him that favor and permanently vanish, so he and his new ***** can live happily ever after!