WHO CARES I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
Why do I come to this God damn website searching for a little hope? Why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I just be happy what is the fucking point? Why can’t I just move on with my life. I care. I care so much. But do they care? Do my friends and family really care? Does my boyfriend really care? Or is this some fucking pity thing? HA. My boyfriend. What a wonderful guy. He’s so up fucking beat, and I am so off beat. What is wrong with me? It seems almost as if I can no longer feel anything but pain. I want to understand!!! WHY CAN’T I FIND ANY ANSWERS?! All I find is more fucking questions. I cry and I cry but I feel like no pain is being released. I scream and I shout but no anger has left me. Where did I go wrong. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! When will I forget all that has happened when will I get to be happy? I try, I really do. But my best isn’t fucking good enough! THIS ISN’T HELPING! I WAS HOPING THIS WOULD HELP ITS NOT. I don’t want to die. But I don’t want to live. I am scared. I hate who I am, who I was. I am nothing. Worthless. Stupid. Blasphemous. Wrong. I… SUCK. Sometimes I wonder if when I was born, God knew he made his first mistake….. Fuck this fuck this FUCK THIS. I can’t take it. Nothing. I have nothing left to lose.
It’s already over.
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3 comments
I feel ya on this…I do. It’s hard. Best thing you may consider is that you’re experiencing split energy. (The way things are & the way you so much want them to be). I’ve often been in the same place…(don’t want to live, but not in a place to do anything about making an exit). The only thing that has helped me is I choose to feel good…I choose to think positive thoughts…and amidst that I go through anger and hurt too, but I keep working my way up the emotional scale so as to create some kind of peace for myself! You are #1 in your life and when you make your emotional well being your top priority and only place your attention on feeling good, you will slowly shift…this is something YOU must decide as things won’t shift until you make that call. So, you can choose to stay and feel good..(as best you can) or you can leave…but I would say line up with one or the other otherwise you remain experiencing your own split energy and it’s drives you nuts…we only want things because we think we’ll feel better in the having of it…so practice the feeling good as if you already have what you want which is to feel good…like using your imagination the way kids do… feel free to shoot me a msg at pauld891 at gmail dot com if you feel. Good luck & take care.
I wish I could help you!
Its just hormones, right?
I’m not so sure..