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5/5/2004 my world ended, my life nearly followed.

by Unique

Hello, this is my story.

Pre 5/5/2004 I was just a normal person, i had bipolar but i was diagnosed as a child and managed it with hardcore meditation my whole life. Other than that my life was normal. nothing traumatic ever happened to me. I never lost anyone. I was attending college. I had a beautiful girlfriend. I was smart, i had the whole world in front of me.

On the 5/5/2004 i woke up in my GF’s college house, it was cold and i was shivering. I rolled over and Jane was not there. I got up and saw here keys and phone on the table, so i knew she was still in the house, i went down stairs to find her, all i found was some of her friends passed out on the couch. i went back up stairs and stood in the room confused, then i turned towards the bathroom and saw the light creeping under the door. It was unlocked. I walked over relieved and pushed the door open. That is the moment my world ended, Jane was in the Bath tub and she had cut her wrists, the water was completely red, her eyes were open and staring right at me. I stood there for four hours, i didnt move, i didnt speak, i didnt want to believe this was happening.

Eventually one of her friends found us, i cant remember who. the next few days were a blur. I dropped out of college. Was questioned by the police for days. I started taking drugs for the first time.

I had so many questions, like why the FUCK did she do it, i thought we were happy, i tried to make her happy, she was smart and beautiful and perfect. I have so many questions, like what was the last thing i ever said to her, was there signs, all this kept going round and round in my head.

I never found any answers. All i know is i lost my shit after that. I drove away everyone who tried to help me. I became homeless and lived on the streets for months. I nearly Died three times from OD’ing and i slit my wrists as well.

When i finally got off the streets again, started to get a bit better, but the i was planing my final attempt, i went to google to find a sure way to off myself, thats when i found this site, and a person here saved my life, they convinced me to go to rehab, and i did.

After a few months there i was back on my feet. Still shaky but iwas back up. i made some real friends there, I then went back to college and i am now a crisis councillor. I have a fiance a a soon to be step son.

Life can throw you a curve ball now and then.

I wish i had the answers, but i dont, I wish i could take the pain away but i cant, i wish i could help you to see that the future is what you make it.

life is simple, you can focus on the bad, or you can focus on the good.

RIP Jane, i will never forget you, you have taken a piece of my soul and i hope it gives you comfort.

Regards

Unique

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5 comments

LuckybombAbCan 6/27/2012 - 6:46 pm

Hi Unique, sorry to hear about your pain, i’m glad to hear you pulled yourself out of the brink of it all. Glad to see things are going well for you. Things sometime seem like they are all but downhill but somewhere something brings peopel back up. you just have to give it a chance. I understand many people wanna quit early while they are still young and haven’t really given life a chance. I’m happy for you, Stary strong and hold your head high, you deserve it. 🙂 Take care
LB

P.S. anybody can pull themselves back up out of the brink with some positive thinking. remember it’s all mind over matter, we have to take control of our own lives.

Nobody915 6/28/2012 - 12:20 am

Hey Unique!

I really miss talking to you. I cried reading this… I’m so glad you’re pulling yourself through this- I wish I had that strength. This story is truly an inspiration, thank you for sharing it.

-Nobody

the Guardian 6/28/2012 - 9:47 am

A sad truth about suicide is that if you lose someone to suicide you can become much more likely to think about suicide yourself.

Grieving such a loss can take years and use all of your energy.

Good luck on your path.

lifeishorrible 6/29/2012 - 3:01 pm

Unique!I never knew this!I’m speechless and torn:/You are truly stronq.I’m not even In you situation and I’m actinq like as If It happened to me.I have a question,do you ever feel worthless even after all of that you’ve accomplished????

Unique 7/3/2012 - 6:26 pm

@Lifeishorrible, Yes, we all have our weak moments, but its important to have repition in the things that help, when i feel sad or worthless i just close my eyes and thing of my bride to be, and remember that she loves me despite everything, so can i really be that bad, its about fighting the bad thoughts, Life is a war. We either fight or we give in.

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