Hello, this is my story.
Pre 5/5/2004 I was just a normal person, i had bipolar but i was diagnosed as a child and managed it with hardcore meditation my whole life. Other than that my life was normal. nothing traumatic ever happened to me. I never lost anyone. I was attending college. I had a beautiful girlfriend. I was smart, i had the whole world in front of me.
On the 5/5/2004 i woke up in my GF’s college house, it was cold and i was shivering. I rolled over and Jane was not there. I got up and saw here keys and phone on the table, so i knew she was still in the house, i went down stairs to find her, all i found was some of her friends passed out on the couch. i went back up stairs and stood in the room confused, then i turned towards the bathroom and saw the light creeping under the door. It was unlocked. I walked over relieved and pushed the door open. That is the moment my world ended, Jane was in the Bath tub and she had cut her wrists, the water was completely red, her eyes were open and staring right at me. I stood there for four hours, i didnt move, i didnt speak, i didnt want to believe this was happening.
Eventually one of her friends found us, i cant remember who. the next few days were a blur. I dropped out of college. Was questioned by the police for days. I started taking drugs for the first time.
I had so many questions, like why the FUCK did she do it, i thought we were happy, i tried to make her happy, she was smart and beautiful and perfect. I have so many questions, like what was the last thing i ever said to her, was there signs, all this kept going round and round in my head.
I never found any answers. All i know is i lost my shit after that. I drove away everyone who tried to help me. I became homeless and lived on the streets for months. I nearly Died three times from OD’ing and i slit my wrists as well.
When i finally got off the streets again, started to get a bit better, but the i was planing my final attempt, i went to google to find a sure way to off myself, thats when i found this site, and a person here saved my life, they convinced me to go to rehab, and i did.
After a few months there i was back on my feet. Still shaky but iwas back up. i made some real friends there, I then went back to college and i am now a crisis councillor. I have a fiance a a soon to be step son.
Life can throw you a curve ball now and then.
I wish i had the answers, but i dont, I wish i could take the pain away but i cant, i wish i could help you to see that the future is what you make it.
life is simple, you can focus on the bad, or you can focus on the good.
RIP Jane, i will never forget you, you haveÂ taken a piece of my soul and i hope it gives you comfort.