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Can’t find my way home

by TarotXIII

I’ve done it.I think I finaly got rid of the only two “friends” that still talked to me.I kept rejecting their proposal to hang out.It’s been about 2 weeks that I haven’t seen them.

No more stupid talk

No more going along those stupid talk

No more people trying to change me at all cost

No more fake smile

I am 100% alone now.

Man it just feels so stupid to write this for everyone to see.I wish I could burn my mask but I’m too much of a coward to do so.I’ve goten so affraid of being rejected by people that I’ll surely use it forever on…My mother started noticing my pain…She’s the only one that noticed but she’s 5 years too late.Anyway,she’s another of those people I hate so much,trying to change me to fit their own little tastes.

Why do i keep writing this…I wanted to be alone no?I feel like such an attention whore every time I post something.I’m just running away from reality,hoping for an internet life to comfort me.

I’ve always thought “home” isn’t your house or anything like that.To me,”home” is when your the most happy.It doesn’t have to be a place.To me “home” is when you find where you belong and no matter where this “home” is,you’re willing to follow it because whatever happens,you’ll be happy.

I think my “home” burned down a long time ago or maybe…There wasn’t any for me in the first place

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3 comments

fakingit 6/19/2012 - 4:04 pm

no keep writing, your not an attention whore i dont think anyone is at all, some people need ‘an eye watching them’ cuz maybe they feel they never had one they want to know what its like to be visible and wanted for a change, that dont create attention whores. the way u think about home is how i think of it mainly cuz im scared of being home ironicly im always at home cuz i have no life. my ‘home’ is anywhere away from my family i have no actual friends i can get up to go see cuz they dont want me. so i get u. i can tell u i have been a fan of the internet for the people on it they seem to understand ( yes im aware of liars) i do find a “internet life” much more comfortin than reality, so point is i can understand and relate somehow

TarotXIII 6/20/2012 - 6:15 am

thanks for comenting…It’s always nice to know that someone cared enough to reply.
my home is pretty much a torture.I don’t have motivation to do anthing so I just wander in it.I always end up going to bed even when it’s 3 pm

fakingit 6/20/2012 - 9:14 pm

so is mine, but its mainly my fault it seems like. wow, im forced to wake up before 10am and go to bed anytime after 8pm if u wanna talk at all e-mail me:
hannahschelling.15@gmail.com

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