So I live in a house with my 2 parents and 3 younger sisters. I also have 2 older sisters, but my family broke a little while back and I am no longer allowed to talk to one of them. Somewhere in the midst of my family breaking, my relationship with my parents also broke. I can’t explain why, but I can’t talk to them. Any time they are around, I have absolutely no personality. I never show happiness, sadness, anger, anything. Only when they are around though, it is strange. When they are gone I have a huge personality, I’m funny and sarcastic, loud and rambunctious. My mom thinks I hate her and I think she is afraid of me. She tries to say hi to me and ask me about my day. I say hi back because I am forced, but I can’t say anything else. My dad gets really mad at me because I guess it upsets my mom. Sometimes I feel like he hates me for it, but I honestly can’t help it. Something really bother me though, my mom won’t say anything to my face, so instead she tries talking to me through facebook. She posts things on my wall, usually about being proud of me and loving me. but it upsets me, this is a woman who has not verbally told me she loves me in years. I think it’s pathetic and awkward. But i also feel like thinking that makes me an awful person. For the last year I have been battling a secret eating disorder. At least it started as a secret and turned into something much more. My parents were warned over and over but I made it clear that I was not letting them be involved. I’ve been trying extremely hard to recover this past month and I am doing pretty well. However it is so hard. I have suicidal thoughts a lot, as much as I try to push them down, they keep coming back. I scare myself, and I don’t know where to go next. I’m going to keep holding on, keep fighting, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.