From the start.

I can’t actually remember how it started. I’m not sure if I can even call it depression. Most of my life I have been surrounded by control. I have been from place to place. My parents had me at 14 so things were crazy growing. I barely ever saw them. Now I live with my father because I have a mother who is going through problems I don’t like to talk about.
I let myself be controlled, and even if i want to, I cant stand up for myself. I’m 17, and in school I just some weird lesbian (I’m not lesbian but people think I am). I never have anything to say to them, I just to act like its funny and crack a smile.
My dad and step mom are a different story, they ask me, “why don’t you hangout with those people?” or “Why do you choose to have bad friends that smoke and get bad grades?” I can’t help it. Those are the people that will talk to me and not make me feel like crap. I just moved from the city last year and making friends is hard in a small town where everyone knew each other since 1st grade. My parents won’t take me to hangout with people and I don’t have a car. I live miles away from everyone. I’m stuck in the house everyday.
It started from being sad to having headaches and sleeping because i was always so tired and now not even a bottle of aspirins helps. I feel like I cant do it anymore. I’m scared to tell someone. I don’t want people to pity me. I want them to understand. I don’t know how to make this feeling go away. I hate it. :/
I just wanted to get that out.