I have a compulsion to hobble myself. I don’t know if I’ll take a mallet to my kneecap and cripple myself or jump out of the third story window. I just want my outward appearance to match my inward pain. I’m crippled on the inside, so why not cripple my body?
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Interesting. I’ve never heard anyone use the word crippled to describe their inner pain.
Here’s an idea, why not flip your theory around and work backwards. Empower your body and see if your mind starts feeling better. Rather than cripple yourself, start exercising, eat healthy, quit any bad habits, join a gym. Sometimes visiting this site kinda makes it clear how silly depression can make us. How would damaging your body improve your situation? Why do some of us cut? Why do some of us drink or smoke? And then complain when things don’t change or get worse. Put some effort into something good instead of daydreaming about taking a hammer to your own leg. Go for a run.