I still want to die

Yup, some things have happened since i last came here. i think i’m in love, but i hate getting hurt so much.  My best friend came into town but right now she’s not here. Thats pretty much all that has happened that is good. I still am depressed and suicidal but again, i can’t leave my best friend alone in this cruel world. Wish i could go right now. Still am addicted to cutting. I’ve burned myself but its not the same without any blood. I’ve seriously been thinking about drugs. I need something that will help relax me and maybe i’d finally get some fun in my life. I can’t go into drugs..but honestly if someone asks me again if i want to, i’m gonna take it. I don’t care so much anymore. I feel so alone even though i have my bestfriend and bf. But he’s doesnt really love me. Why won’t this pain go away? Should I ask my dad to get me the therapist or psychiatrist? I told my dad to wait to get one because i’d have my bestfriend for the summer but..idk. I need more help. 🙁