Is what I tell my mom. ‘no, it’s okay, I’m just tired’ for my dad. ‘Could you leave, please? I’m thinking’ is snapped at my little sister. And then I’m alone.
School’s out. I’m a kid. I should be ecstatic, right? But I’m not. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so alone, so hopeless. I have small projects I’ve been working in in my spare time, but I’m starting to think ‘why bother, this is stupid’ and abandon them. Occasionally I’ll get my hopes up for something, but somehow when it comes I always seem to screw it up. Then it’s over, and I’m back in an unbelievable slump. I’ve tried ways of taking my mind off things, from reading to writing to getting physical. I used to (and still do sometimes, when my parents aren’t home) take my baseball bat out into the backyard and use oranges off my tree as balls. Something about the feeling of the hit made it all better, for a little while at least.
I used to cut my wrists, toy with the idea of killing myself. Now I’m actually starting to seriously think about it.
I came here, made an account, looking for advice. Now I think I just want someone to talk to. Not parents or a shrink or whoever. I want to talk to someone who has been- or is going through- what I am now. I could never talk to parents or friends, but something about the Internet, the way you can be completely anonymous, makes me feel better. If you have advice on what to do, please tell me. Nothing that would involve telling an adult, though, please. I think being talked to by a ‘professional’ about suicidal thoughts and tendencies is more than I can handle right now.