new to site

Well as the title States I’m new to this site. My names tj and I am cursed and bated by everyone and everything. If there is a God which I don’t believe there is I’m pretty sure he hares me as well. I lost my best friend, my girlfriend and pretty much everyone who’s ever been in my heart either by choice or not. No matter how hard I try to be a good person and nice to everyone it always goes horribly wrong. Most recently I found a girl who I began to fall in love with ironically with the same name as my late ex. I tried to be the best friend she could ask for I showed her more love than I show my own family. I considered her my best friend, the feeling wasn’t mutual. I always thought well maybe if I truly show her how much I love her maybe she ‘ll end up with mutual feelings. I would never force anyone to love me rather push them away to save them the trouble of dealing with me. I was starting to get my smile back after so many years. That is until I realized everything nice she ever told me was a lie. Just like everyone else before her (except for one) she eventually succumbed to my the poison called me and stopped talking to me. I asked her as a final request to tell me we would never be together, that I was stupid to think it possible for another to love me. She refused sayi ng she cant predict the future. I wont drag this out more and after finally hugging her enough to say it she lashed of eventually calling me scum. I agree. Ive always believed what is life without love. I’m facing possible jail times due to me self medicating myself with numerous drugs failing at worn lost car and to no surprise at all left alone again. Tip of the iceberg for me of course and as I sit here cutting my arms as punishment for being so stupid to think things would have changed for me over the years I wonder just how many days I have left I don’t think many at all and as I sign off from my intro I really hope I do t wake up itd be a blessing behind a dark veil I hate this life and want it to just end. I’m sick of being so bated and I hope that in my next dream the lastperson to really love me amy. Comes and brings me ti stay with her wherever her concioisness resides its worth any price, anything to stop my hatred of myself