I’m Hannah. It’s my first time on this website, or any suicide forum for that matter. I found this website researching certain things about suicide. I’ve made several suicide attempts for over a year now, and I’m dead set on succeeding Â it this month. I don’t see a reason for living anymore. I’m useless. I’m so depressed that I don’t have the motivation to get out of bed, or eat, or speak, or even open my fucking eyes in the morning. It just all so pointless. The hurting, and suffering, and hoping. I grew up with an alcohol dependent, abusive, work obsessed father, aÂ narcissistic, jealous, hateful sister- and a mum that I could never be good enough for. I’m so tired of having all this anger, and sadness, and longing to be happy built up inside of me. And, being completely and utterly alone doesn’t really help anything. I’ve fucked up so bad in my life. I smoke, I drink, I try as hard as I can to overdose on pills, yet nothing seems to take away this sadness. Nothing. I feel that the only way I can be happy is when I’m dead. I have no way out accept suicide. I’m useless, and I always will be. I made all these plans for college.. I was gonna go to Masters Performing Arts college in Rayleigh, England. Now I fear that my entire life has gone even more to shit, and I don’t think I’m going to make it to fall. Â I don’t know how in the hell to cope anymore. It’s sad.. the way people look at you differently once they know what you’re going through. They see you as this fragile person who if you push even a little will end up breaking. But, yes, I’m to my breaking point. I am completely and absolutely done.