All my life no one has really had high hopes for me. No one has ever motivated me into doing anything. Only my oldest sister has went to college and she still can’t find a job. My mom tells me there is no point in going to college in today’s time.  Me I don’t care what my future holds. There is no future only a present. I get pissed off when I get treated like shit cause I have worked my ass off in school without ANY motivation to keep me going. I have done it all on my own. I decide always to work alone  because no one but me is going to get credit for what I do. I have threatened people at my school who piss me off that I will stab them in the neck with a pencil and not feel any remorse at all for doing it.  It is not a lie either.  They say “Well you will go to jail.” I tell my mom that the minute I am put behind bars I end my life in there. What can the police really do to a man who has no reason to go on?  As I say that I must confess that I do have a few things I wanna do before I die.
1. Make sure my mom will be in good hands.
2. Get my 1st kiss (You might say why not lose virginity or something? I don’t really care for having sex.It’s lost alot of value in today’s time. I just want the feeling of a kiss.)
3. Make sure my books will go to kids who need it. (I have alot of books.)
4. Tell my nieces I love them for the last time. ( I feel that I owe that to them.)
I don’t want to make my mom sad but in the same sense I also don’t want to feel that I’m only living for 1 person.  I just want to feel that I accomplished something in this rancid world that is constantly putting people like me down. I’m struggling to find reason here. I just don’t think I can find reason.
1 comment
wow, im really very sorry, i have hope for you, im sure u can have hope too. i understand not wanting to live for just one person everyone wants to feel wanted as for mei have to be wante by everyone or i get pissed. im sorry with everything u deal with but i can say it will get better eventually.