The Longing To Die.

I’m 13. My Life Started Spiraling Downhill When I Was In Elemetery School.
5th Grade, I Kept Getting In Trouble In School. 6th Grade I Was Arrested For Running Away, For Vandalism, For Asulting An Officer Of The Law. My Parents Divorced. I Started Smoking, I Was Hanging Around The Wrong Crowd. My Life Was Shit. 7th Grade The Coustidy Battle Came Along, Week To Week With My Father I Never Knew And My Amazing Mother. My Dad Started Getting Abusive, So I Refused To Go Over There. Costidy Battle Again, Only Every Other Weekend Now With Ol’ Daddy Dearest. Still Smoking, Still Getting In Trouble. 8th Grade. Im Still In 7th I Got Held Back. And Kicked Out Of Every School In My District So Forced To Be In Online School. I Never. Ever. Leave My House. I’ve Made Alot Of Mistakes In My Life, And My Family Dispises Me For It. Some People Walk Through Town And Get Called A Whore By People From School.. I Walk Down My Lawn And Get Called A Whore By My Aunt That Lives Next Door.. I Don’t Know What I Did To Make Them All Hate Me So Much. But I Can Understand Why They Do, Because Now I Hate Me To. I Attempted Suecide On My Birthday 2 Years Ago. Of Corse. I Fucked That Up To.
Summer 2011 I Met My Ex.
October 31st, Halloween 2011. He Cheated On His Girlfriend With Me – He Took My Virginity In The Middle Of A Park. November 5th 2011, We Started Dating. Febuary 21st He Cheated On Me. March My Dad Started A Rape Investigation. Hes 17 and Im 13. We Had A Restraining Order For 3 Months. He Cheated On Me 4 Times In Those 3 Months. I Still Had No Idea. I Was In Love And I Thought He Was To. Now, June 27th 2012. Were Over. He Broke Up With Me For The Girl He Cheated On Me With In Febuary. I Got The Text At One am June 25th 2012..
“Insert Name Here, your more than likely going to hate me…..but….i think its time we break up…. i like someone else…. im sorry…”
After Seven Months, Twenty-Eight Days, Fourteen Hours, Six Minutes, And Thirty-Two Seconds, Together He Broke Up With Me Through A Text And Had The Nerve To Ask Me To Be His Friend, And For One Last Hug, and To Give Him My Number When I Get A Phone.. I Was Sitting On My Front Porch When I Got That Text Message, One In The Morning, I Was Crying For 8 Hours. Until I Stoped To Breathe. I Cried For 5 More Hours And Then I Just Couldn’t Cry Anymore So I Just Sat There. Hipnotized. I Sat There Until 4 In The Afternoon (15 Hours) I Had No Idea It Would Hurt Me This Badly.
I Recently Found Out That He Has Personality Disorder’s So Badly That He Feels He Has To Change Himself To Make Someone Happy. I Liked Him For Who He Was, Untill I Found Out It Wasnt Him I Was Liking It Was Someone Else. And When I Was Dating Him He Was So Alike Me I Didn’t Even Know It. Everything He Was, Everything He Said, Everything That I Loved About Him Was Me, And I Now Know That I Didnt Love Him, Because I Never Knew Him. I Loved Myself, Because That’s What He Was Pretending To Be.. I Found Out Hes Been Doing This For A While.. I Never Knew The REAL Him Because There Never Was One, There Was Small Fragments Of Him Inbetween The Millions Of Personality’s He Had Changed Into Over The Years. And I’m Just Sorry I Never Got To Know The Real Him.
But When It’s Said And Done, Hes The Only One. ILoveHim and Nothing About That Is Ever Going to Change.
But The Other Thing That Wont Change.. Hes On My Mind When I Know That Shes On His. And I Cant Stand Being One More Second In My Own Skin. I Need Help. Or I Will End Up Killing Myself.
Because Now, Ha, Its Ironic Really. I Ignored The Ones Who Adored Me, Adored The Ones Who Ignored Me, Love The Ones Who Hurt Me And Hurt The Ones Who Loved Me. And Now I’m Left With No Family, ONE Friend That I Know Of, No Boyfriend. I Find Nothing To Live For At This Point In Time. Im Completely Alone.