So I’m currently at the ER. The waiting room was full but I found a quite place to sit at but the ***** ass wanna be police officer security guy. Told me I wasn’t allowed to sit there. So I’m out sitting in the hallway. Nurses walk by, lots of people some sick some not. This one guy walked by smelling a shit lot like weed.
Currently I’ve decided I’m no longer going to smoke weed. I thought it be easy, I’d stopped before. But its not cause right now I’d really like to get high. Or cut. But I also decided I shouldn’t do that either. Its just hard sometimes.
I sit here, hear babies cry, see pregnant ladies, people sick, in wheel chairs, etc. these people are trying to get better be healthier, live. Yet I’m not terribly sick (well not that I know of) but I’ve had the thoughts of killing myself. I guess it makes me wonder if I’m selfish?
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Hey stubborn,
I just wanted to let you know that you’re definately not alone on that on. Though many people don’t particularly like the word “selfish” in that context, I do believe that suicide is selfish in a way.
I went to the most uncivilized part of Jamaica in which I saw so many children in child labor, working away with stones on their backs going without food for days. The people there live in a filthy environment and many others beg tourists for money. Their method of begging sends the message that they’re extremely desperate for money. I see some people dying on the streets without medical help, I see others being arrested.
Main point here, I do believe suicide is selfish. Because here I am in this beautiful country of Canada, where I have food, filtered water, shelter, health and education. Those people there are literally FIGHTING AND WORKING FOR THEIR LIVES. For me to just feel like I just want to take away the life I’M LIVING? I would most definately think that is extremely selfish. I bet any one of those childs would want the life i’m living right now-
On the other hand, I do have problems as well. Thing is, i’m not strong enough to hold on, so I can’t be comparing my lives with others in third world countries- it’d just make me more unstable with my choice.
I hope you find what you’re looking for.
-Nobody915
@Nobody I see where you’re coming from, but I don’t think suicide is necessarily selfish. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, you cannot measure pain. You cannot weigh it like diamonds or compare one form to another. Your suffering is yours. Stubborn’s suffering is his/hers. My suffering is mine, and all the people out there fighting desperately for their own lives, their suffering is theirs. My point is, it’s ALL REAL.
Speaking of those child laborers you saw, struggling for their lives daily, I see much of the same thing on this very website. Pain takes many forms, and just because someone has food and shelter doesn’t mean they should have to minimize the pain they experience.
Of course, perspective is important too. But we all suffer. Sometimes we can see how bad others have it, and change our mood to appreciate how good we have it. But sometimes it backfires and we just feel more shitty about ourselves, and that is counterproductive and, ultimately, disrespecting to yourself. I think the best way we have to recover from our pain is to respect ourselves enough to believe in it.