Dear mom

So its coming up really soon that my mom will now be dead for two years. That’s still really hard to think of, i still cry over her and think that i was a shitty daughter to her. I mean if i wasn’t a good daughter why should the fuck should i be a mom or matter of fact even be alive. Why should i continue to be on this earth if i am not with the one person that i miss and love and still need? Yes i am twenty years old and i need to start to be on my own. It kills me that I wont be able to call my mom up when I am sad or need someone to talk too. All i want is my mom to be with me. Why should I not die? i deserve to die after all i was a really shitty child. Mom I am really sorry.

At night I miss my mom a little bit more than did the night before. I miss the morning hugs, the good night kisses, the knowing she will be there when I wake. I miss getting suprizes from her. no she didnt kill herself but I am sure she tried. she went threw hell. and I hate that I was not a better daughter.